Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel trapped

19 replies

FluffySlippers21 · 19/11/2017 21:17

Feel totally and trapped and don't know what to do.
My DP is overly nice to me tells me how much he loves me, how beautiful I am etc. Says if I ever left him he wouldn't ever meet anyone else and would throw himself of a bridge.
He proposed after only eight months and I accepted as we were going on holiday the next day and felt like it would completely ruin the holiday.
The house we live in is his, the mortgage is in his name and he bought it before we met.
His parents are massively involved, he consults them on every decision (getting a cat ffs he was scared to tell them??) his mum is his "accountant" for his bank accounts and will pull him up if she thinks we're "spending too much money" eg. She told him we eat out too much and now he won't go out for food
He interrupts me when I'm telling a story and speaks over me. Doesn't listen half the time. Not sure if this is my paranoia
My family are very different to his, mine are quite jokey and laid back and so when he's around them he will make crude innapripiate jokes. My mum once asked him if he spoke to his parents like that and he replied "no I couldn't with them"
I don't drive and have moved areas to live with him. He now works overtime every weekend and am sat in the house alone
I'm not happy but feel trapped. I have knowwheee to go if I leave him. I'm a student and it's a lot easier to get to my university and placement from his address. I have no money to get my own place. My family have moved away. I've no friends after cutting them off when I met him.
Should I stay until I finish my university course and have money or should I leave?
It sounds worse when wrote down, he's not a bad person I just found the relationship very suffocating.
Not sure what I'm looking for here just need to vent 😒

OP posts:
FluffySlippers21 · 19/11/2017 21:24

Sorry this is so long, didn't realise how much I'd wrote until I'd posted it. 💐 to anyone who read it all

OP posts:
dowsabel · 19/11/2017 21:34

Alarm bells, red flags, he’s not your lifelong partner - he’s emotionally incontinent and is dragging you down with him x

RandomMess · 19/11/2017 22:01

Speak to a student support work at Uni, find out about accommodation there they will help you sort out the practical things and can find you a counsellor too Flowers

FluffySlippers21 · 19/11/2017 22:03

I get a student loan of £7200 a year, that doesn't even cover student accommodation never mind anything else :-( I'm not classed as an independent student as haven't lived alone for 3 years. The loan is calculated on my mums income. I'm only 21 and so lived at home until last year x

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 19/11/2017 22:10

Get out while you can. There is nowhere this relationship will go except downhill!! Imagine being trapped with a baby and stuck even more. Sad

Cabininthewoods69 · 19/11/2017 22:19

You need to leave him. He is slowly controlling your life and before you know it your be more trapped. Please consider talking to your parents for advice to

RandomMess · 19/11/2017 22:24

You could intercalate? Please speak to the uni advisors, you need to leave ASAP.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 19/11/2017 22:24

Ugh. Horrible.

The thing about university is that there are so many single people. Dump this twat and make the most of the time you have left there.

letsdolunch321 · 19/11/2017 22:26

From reading your post he is controlling you. Sounds like his patents control him.

You need to condider is that the life you want forever.

Good luck in your decision

TammySwansonTwo · 19/11/2017 22:31

Back in the day my loan wasn't even half that - you can do it! Get a small job in term time and a job in the holidays (I worked in a cinema mainly staffed by local students in term time and returning students in holidays). I worked double shifts whenever I could. I got a big student overdraft. I figured it out. You can absolutely manage it. Don't stay with someone who treats you like this - life is too short!

Dontknowwhattodonowok · 19/11/2017 22:33

Could you rent a room in the local area and flat share? Can you go back to the Student Loan company and ask them to review the loan amount based on your circumstances changing? Don’t stay- you’re 21! Don’t settle.

lasketchup · 19/11/2017 22:38

Why did you cut your friends off when you met him?

LovingLola · 19/11/2017 22:42

I have a child who is 21. I would move heaven and earth to help that child no matter how far I moved away.
Speak to your parents and tell them what is happening to you.

Dontknowwhattodonowok · 19/11/2017 23:17

What @LovingLola said

Worriedobsessive · 19/11/2017 23:22

He sounds horrible and disrespectful. It’s all very well him complementing you etc but to disrespect you AND your parents is appalling. It sounds like your mum has the measure of him and I bet she’s worried sick.

Please please leave.

notapizzaeater · 20/11/2017 00:02

You need to leave - he’s toxic and the longer you leave it the harder it will be. You aren’t responsible if he “jumps off a bridge” he is emotionally blackmailing you

Cricrichan · 20/11/2017 01:05

Please leave him. Red flags everywhere! You can't marry a man just because it would have ruined a holiday and you can't be with a man who cuts you off from your friends. That's just for starters.

Uni is usually one of the best times of your life. It should be fun and carefree. Get some advice, speak to your parents and move on.

hellsbellsmelons · 20/11/2017 10:29

You need to get out.
Why did you cut your friends off when you met him?
There are many red flags flying around here.
He sounds controlling and abusive.
Please contact Womens Aid 0808 2000 247
They can help you with local support services.
At 21 you need to understand that this is NOT OK!
Not in any way shape or form.
You need to understand about boundaries, abuse etc....
Womens Aid run a course you need to attend called the Freedom Programme.
When you call them please discuss this.
But get out - as fast as you can.

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 20/11/2017 10:36

He hasn't and won't cut the apron strings. Run for the hills op.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page