How do we help DM? Very worried

[NapoleonsNose]

To cut a very long story short, my DM (75) has a 30+ year history of mental illness. Over the last few months she’s been involved in an online ‘relationship’ with an American who is supposedly working in Africa for the UN.

This of course is all a load of rubbish. We’ve tried (DB and myself) to stop it by trying to talk sense into her but she’s having none of it. It transpires that she’s sent around £15k out to this person and is intending to send more. Her house is held in trust and the money cannot be accessed, but she’s now asking to release some capital for ‘home improvements’. DB and I will not allow this and she’s being very vitriolic, saying we don’t want her to be happy, we’re ruining her life blah, blah, blah.

We’ve already been to the police and because she’s well, there’s nothing they can do. Her dr has stopped her medication, and all this has got a lot worse since then. We are at our wits end and don’t know how to get help.

Finally things are being done. It's taken my brother to lose his shit with the Drs today before anyone has taken us seriously.

Mum is in full paranoia mode, making wild accusations about family, friends all over Facebook. The doctor is going to her house now and I suspect she may be admitted to hospital again. She hates me at the moment (accused me of breaking into her house and stealing all her internet passwords) so I'm not going there.

Mental illness is shit.

This may sound drastic but for her own good I'd go round and remove her internet modem ASAP until you get this sorted properly. With no mean of contact you could well prevent more damage being done.

This is a safeguarding issue of a vulnerable adult. Speak to her GP, practice nurse or social services.

Horrible situation for you all. Good luck.

Sorry, just seen the update, my screen hadn't reloaded so didn't see it. Glad the doctor is going to see her.

What a horrible scenario, for both you and DM. Glad the GP is finally going to see her. There really should be more suitable provision for these such situations. Best wishes

GP has assessed her and put her back on the meds. I've got to go and pick them up from the chemist and take them over. I have no idea how I'm going to find her when I get there.

She's seen the light over the romance scam thankfully and that is now over. How much money has gone though is anyone's guess.

Hope fully the pills will start to have a positive effect in a day or two.

Would it help if someone went with you Napoleon?

I went and she was very tearful and couldn't stop crying. She was making wild accusations that people have been in her house and stolen her stuff. All symptoms of the illness though. Her lovely neighbour has been singled out for some particular venom and mum believes she come into the house, using the key she's got, and stolen her internet password book as well as some Xmas presents. I've refused to get the key back as it's just nonsense, but will pop into the neighbour later and explain the situation before mum embarrassed herself.

I'm mentally exhausted and have pre-Christmas 'flumonia' so really could do without this shit.

I'm so glad you've managed to make some progress. Hopefully the GP will show more duty of care in future knowing that she has family who are willing to stand up and make a noise.

So we have managed to get through Christmas. DM spent five days at my DB's house so I've had a little bit of respite. She's home now and I'm already feeling stressed and worried.

The paranoia is still there. I asked her to check some dates for me as I need to take her to a couple of hospital appointments next week and I need to take some time off. Apparently the dates were only in her diary and someone has stolen it. Of course they haven't, and it's highly likely that she's just misplaced it in all the crap she has accumulated in the house, but she won't have it.

The heating thermostat has also unset itself somehow and I've tried talking through resetting it, but again she thinks someone is out to deliberately mess about with her stuff and she can't work it out.

Finally she's admitted to the romance scam and we've found out how much has gone - 11k, sent by bank transfer so no chance of getting it back. Fucking evil scamming bastards!

We've decided that the house needs to be sold as she plainly can't cope with it. That's going to be fun. 20 years worth of 'stuff' crammed into a tiny 2 bedroom house to sort through. She's agreed to power of attorney so that's one positive thing to come out of all this.

I've become a carer and I'm neither prepared or able to take on the role st the moment. I'm pissing work off by having to take unexpected days off and don't know how long their goodwill will last.

Sorry for the rant, but i need to get it all of my chest.