Suicidal parents

[W1a]

My mum is in hospital being treated for attempted suicide. My dad is under the home treatment team.

I’m NC with them, but received a text saying they were going to do this. I spoke to social care who said they would deal with it but it seems like not quickly enough.

I’m getting a torrent of messages from other family members saying it’s my fault. I’ve text my therapist and told her but she hasn’t replied yet. My closest friends are on holiday together in the USA, I’ve told them but they can’t help as too far away.

I feel so utterly shit about it all.

Of course it isn't your fault. What an awful thing to say to you.

Their actions are there own. I really feel for you OP. It feels like contact or not there is never contentment or freedom from mentally unwell parents

*their

I’ve been in therapy long enough to (mostly) not blame myself for stuff but this just hurts.

I thought that by speaking to social care I was passing it to someone else and I wouldn’t need to think about it

They are making their own decisions and trying to hurt you by making them

You have done the right thing. They are under the appropriate care.

Please ignore the flying monkeys (I know that’s easier said than done) block them all and report any threats to police.

You did not do this. You know what this is, it’s more of the same manipulation and emotional terrorism you’ve always suffered.

Stay strong.

Honestly, they sound massively manipulative! Giving the hospital your details so they could inform you of their 'mental state' then sending in the flying monkeys to blame you fr their mental health issues. I think they are both narcissistic sociopaths who make convincing and manipulative liars! I would call the hospital, say you want your name removed from their contact list. Then I would block them and change my email/ mobile and landline numbness! Cut off the flying monkeys too, blocking them on all social media and numbers!
Lastly check out the stately homes thread

I realised recently that any action I take will be the wrong one according to them/extended family that have been manipulated against me. It's been a total revelation. Now I feel no obligation to do anything as it will be wrong anyway and at most judge it on what I would do if it was a total stranger. So if I got random texts from a stranger saying they were going to slit their wrists, I wouldn't ring and console them but maybe pass onto the authorities. I think you did the right thing. But it's irrelevant what I or anyone else thinks. The right thing is what promotes your positive mental health or self esteem the most.

So far I’ve blocked all numbers - texts still come through but it doesn’t beep...., blocked email and blocked on Facebook.

It’s mostly come to my work email as if you google my name then that comes up. I’ve had no calls from the hospital, just family. They all live about 200 miles away, except one relative who has said he’s coming round. I’ve spoken to 111 who advised me to go out.

What a nightmare. Can you check yourself into a hotel?

Yeah I could. I don’t have anything on me but could work a way round that.

I have a couple of friends who i could ask to stay, or ask to stay with me. I’m just embarrassed so haven’t asked.

Listen.

Shit people do shit things to each other. It is in their nature. Hang around shit and you get like shit.

Hang around positive, healing people and hey....guess what? Life becomes positive again. Escape from the negative family you were borne into. Remember, it is not their fault either. But unlike them, you choose a different path for your future and all that it may bring.

Illusions. Once there lived a small village of little creatures, along the bottom of a great crystal river. They all clung to the rocks and shrubs at the bottom of the river, for this was all they knew.....

You poor thing. You're friends won't judge you if they're even half decent. And a problem shared is a problem halved...

You have nothing to be embarrassed about! But you could a bit of support in real life, as this feels like an emergency. Please do call a friend or two!

Thanks for all the support. I’m genuinely able to do normal life pretty solidly usually!

I had a text from the therapist who suggested asking a friend to stay, so nothing is lost in doing that. My closest friends are all away so it feels different asking someone else for help!

Oh, that's an awful thing for your family to do to you. No wonder you're NC with your parents.

If a family member has threatened to come and see you, then either go out or just keep your home securely locked, and don't answer the door if anyone knocks. Having a friend round would be great, or going out, or spending the night in a hotel if you can. Whatever gets you through.

You did not make your parents do this, and you are not responsible for their actions. You did more than they deserve by calling social services.

This whole thing makes it obvious that you were right to go NC with your parents. I'm so sorry. You deserve much, much better.

Sadly, this is not even a glimpse of what they are like.

I called a friend, invited her over and she’ll stay here tonight with me. She’ll meet me at my house incase anyone is outside. It’s unlikely but possible.

I hate this. I hate hate hate that this is what it’s like.

Remember darling that mumsnet is 24 hours, so the night shifts around the world, the nursing mums, night owls, insomniacs and the expats are here to hold your hand

If you’re frightened or suspect anyone is outside, please call the police

Thank you. My lovely friend is here, and cooking soup. Apparently it’s a comfort food... we have blue planet on which is not comfing tv though!

I keep thinking about it all. I’d like to get super drunk to forget it but I don’t think either my friend will let me or I actually would forget!

Soup is good! And having a lovely friend there is even better.

Treat yourself kindly. Remember: you've done nothing wrong, and have nothing to feel bad about.

I keep having that thing of going lalala everything is normal and then boom, I think about it. And then I can’t get it out of my head. I don’t have the words to be able to work out how it is that I even feel.

I can’t imagine what you’re going thru, when my “m” moved house without leaving a forwarding address I kep replaying and replaying it and my god it hurt so much

It’s like repeating ripping off a plaster every waking second

Eventually it passes

Thank god you have a friend with you and hopefully you can get an early appointment with the therapist

Mine was a godsend at the time. Lean on those people who are there for you, you need the support

Thanks, I’ll see her today.

I know that a lot of it is manipulation. Mostly, I can detach from it but then sometimes they just say or do things and act on it, which makes it harder to know when they’re talking tripe or not.

I’ll call the social work team this morning and see if they know it’s happened and if they feel I need to do anything. I really don’t want to be next of kin but not sure how not to be.

You called the social work team because you'd heard a threat of suicide. They stepped in. They are now dealing with it.

Don't let your parents drag you down with them. You don't have to be involved if you don't want to be. You have very good reasons for wanting to distance yourself from them: it's to protect yourself from further harm. That's perfectly reasonable, even though people who aren't aware of all the details might not think it is.

You can just walk away now, if you want to.