How long between replying to messages?

[bonfireheart]

Connected with someone online a couple of weeks ago and we're meeting up next week. We both work odd hours so haven't had a chance to talk - we do text every day but sometimes it's 24 hours between texts. Then I'll reply to him and then it'll be another 24 hours. It's annoying. And his texts are only ever a few words. He said he prefers to get to know someone in person than via text but it's still frustrating. I have no excitement about meeting up with him.
I've been single for two years after having my heart totally and utterly broken by someone who think was the closest I'll get to The One.
Everything just feels too much effort at the moment - I'm also still grieving for my mum. But everyone tells me I need to be more proactive and get out there. A part of me does want to be spoiled and have a laugh and well - a good snog!
Is the lack of texting weird? Or is it just how some people are?

I think you need to be proactive and get out there in your own time; after all you are still grieving for your mother and those people who have said such things are not you and are also not grieving. There is no timetable for grief and people grieve in different ways. You need to be kind to your own self now. Have you considered talking to CRUSE re your mum, they are good and could be of great help to you.

This person does not sound right and if you have no excitement about meeting up with him I would cancel it and wish him all the best for the future. All this texting and gaps between sound like too much hard work already and you have not even met him yet.

If you're not over your broken heart and are still grieving for your mum, are you sure you're robust enough for dating, especially online dating, at the moment?

I don't text people I'm early dating anything more than once or twice a day at most - and certainly not before we've even met. I have close friends I don't text every day. Near strangers aren't going to be treated any differently! To be honest, I think that frequent messaging before you've met builds a false familiarity and intimacy which the eventual meeting itself often fails to live up to.

I might be in the minority here but I don't think you need to be "excited" about meeting him at this stage. Just take it easy. You've established you have enough in common and like the look of each other enough to meet up and see if there's attraction, chemistry and whatever else you want to call it in actual life. You don't need to overinvest emotionally by cultivating excitement and imagining a future.

Along with PPs I'd also - gently and kindly - encourage you to consider whether you're in the right place for online dating. You need a bit of a thick skin at this rodeo. If you feel a little bit rejected and uncared for at this early stage, it's going to be painful if things don't go to plan later down the line - with this guy or any others. But good luck .

Thank you - you've all given me lots to think about. I think I need to figure where I am right now emotionally before adding even more to it.

I have no excitement about meeting up with him

If there is no excitement then just don't waste your time.

I think lots of texting is far weirder than next to none

My DP is the worst texter ever and will take hours / a day to respond to messages. He is utterly lovely in person and so chatty but hates texting so only does it to make plans, not for small talk. Took me AGES to realise this was normal for him and not a sign he secretly hates me :)

That said, if this kind of stuff is stressing you and you’re still grieving your mum maybe it’s not the best time to be dating

You need someone in your life who makes it better, not more stressed

Agree with pp’s: too much texting is a bit weird if you don’t even know if the guy looks like his photos or if you’re going to like the look of each other IRL!

If a date/time is agreed, then lots of “hi how ru” messages are just a bit annoying. Of course everyone has different communication styles, but getting stressed because a complete stranger isn’t responding to non essential messages isn’t a good place to be.

IF he’s a bit flakey/unreliable about meeting arrangements then that’s a red flag, but if a date/time is set then fine

Maybe you need a break from dating for a while