First time posting about this. I wouldn't usually but I didn't know where else to turn to for advice. It's basically regarding my marriage and how things are getting steadily worse and I'm not sure what to do.
Me and Dh have been together for 17 years and married for 10. We have two dc, a dd age 14 and ds age 7. This year really hasn't been the best for us as a family. Our ds has Asd and he was excluded from his school in February and was then home schooled until the July when another school agreed to give him a place. In the April our landlord gave us our notice. We'd lived there ten years but he wanted to sell the house so that was that. There were no three bed houses available in our area at the time so we were forced to take a much smaller two bed which has impacted us in ways I wouldn't have thought. Not long after we moved house a car smashed into me when I was driving the kids to school and then add in the usual financial, work, home strains we all deal with it hasn't been brilliant.
Mine and dh's relationship has been under a lot of strain for the last three years due to the battle of trying to get our ds a diagnosis, the constant issues with school etc and as family don't help out we rarely get a minute alone and I think we stopped making the effort. I've been feeling low the last six months and can be a nightmare at times being snappy and moody but I love my husband and want to be close with him. It just isn't so and I'm finding myself having trust issues.
Our sex life hasn't been brilliant for the last couple of years really but this year it's practically been none existent. Like I said we currently live in a two bed house and as our kids can't share we are sleeping down stairs on a blow up bed which isn't ideal but we are saving up for a decent quality sofa bed. A couple of years back Dh started refusing to have sex when our dd was home (when she was asleep obviously) as apparently he was paranoid she'd hear us so the only time he'd be up for it was when she slept out at a friend's house but that wasn't very often. Since we moved house and are now downstairs he says it's uncomfortable on the floor which I do agree with but in my opinion if a man wants to have sex he'll pretty much do it anywhere within reason.
I'm always trying to be close to him and trying to "suggest" sex but all I get from him is I'm tired, our dd is home so we can't or he says maybe and then falls asleep. Well last night my dd asked to sleep over at her friends house and we managed to get our ds off to sleep relatively early. As per I tried to suggest it and despite Dh seeming up for it for a change it didn't end well. Without going into too much detail we were fooling around but I got this feeling, call it woman's intuition that he wasn't into it and let's just say I could tell. So I told him to stop for a second and the look on his face, well it was a look I'd never seen before and it made me feel so uneasy. I could tell he didn't want to carry on so we both got dressed and my Dh couldn't look me in the eye. We went outside for a cigarette, came back in sat down and like I said he just had this weird look on his face.
I asked him what was wrong and why he didn't want to have sex to which he replied he did. But half an hour later we were still talking and if he'd really wanted to we'd have done it already and wouldn't have been sat having that conversation. I know the situation with us sleeping downstairs isn't ideal but I don't believe this is the only reason for not wanting to. I'm trying to make the effort and want us to get back on track after a really rubbish few months but I don't think he wants to. Also, I might be over thinking here but I keep wondering if something else is going on and if he's seeing someone else's or has been sleeping with someone else. I told him I'd had these thoughts and at first he just kept looking away and didn't really answer me just saying when would he get the chance to cheat. Now whilst I agree he's usually either at work or here (he usually only sees "the lads" once a month for a beer and poker night) I can't shift the feeling something may be going on. I've never suspected anything before now as generally I'm not a paranoid person and always trusted my Dh but now I'm really not sure.
I asked him if it was me and if he didn't fancy me anymore and if this was the case then he needed to be a man and at least be honest with me. Again he said it's not that but by this point I'd really got myself worked up and had started getting upset crying. It's rare that Dh upsets me but when he has in the past he's always come over hugging me and apologising but he just sat on the opposite couch to me just glancing back at me occasionally. I know there is something going on, I'm not saying he's cheating but there's definitely something. He could see me sat there crying and all worked up yet he couldn't give me a genuine reason as to why he doesn't bother with me anymore and why he makes excuses to not have sex. I just don't know what to do.
This morning he kept his distance. I didn't sleep well and then out ds had me up at 5am so I was a bit like a zombie. Not once did he try and speak to me about last night, apologise, or ask if I was ok. I felt like absolute shit last night and don't feel much different today. I can tell he's holding something back. I'm not entirely sure what but my Dh is a terrible liar so I know when something isn't right. I know I can't go on like this and I'm considering ending it as a relationship is supposed to have trust amongst other things and I feel like the trust if sloping away. Any advice?