So I've known Cathy ( not her real name) since school. Both late 40's now.
She's very needy, very insecure, but yet very popular, and knows a hell of a lot of people.
When we go out, it consists of meeting at a pub in town and then trawling round town like we did 20/30 years ago. Now our town isn't too bad as there seems either traditional pubs or decent wine bars, but it's still very quiet and never anybody I know is out really.
So the problems...
Yesterday we meet up, get a drink, sit at a table where there's people she knows and she strikes up conversation with them.
I was like ' why the hell am I here?, I'm obviously boring her already' we didn't sit and have a catch up or anything which leads to this problem...
Although we've known each other forever, we have little in common. I'm married, 2 kids, don't work ( due to disability). She's not married ( long term partner, who she's with rather than be alone), no kids, works full time. My idea of s good night out is a meal, few drinks, natter and maybe a dance. Hers is get hammered, don't eat ( she's severely over weight, but doesn't eat in public) then take drugs to stay awake and stay out rather than go home to the fella ( who she doesn't really like never mind love).
I can't stand it when we have to start searching for her fix and that's usually my cue to go home,
I know this sounds like I don't like her, I do, but I'm sick of being her crutch. She buys me small gifts all the time, tells me how much she loves me, can't wait to see me, then ignores me!
She's incredibly clingy, the more I try to reduce contact the harder she clings on, messaging me constantly.
I found out last night my child has an event the same night as our Xmas party, so I'm considering bailing on the party, and she actually was shocked I'd choose my child over her.
Every time we go out I can be left alone for ages while she dashes off to talk to someone else. It's never a quick wave across the pub and a ' hi you ok?' It's always a full blown conversation that lasts ages.
Many people don't actually like her but she doesn't see it.
Anyway I need help in what to say without upsetting her, I was so upset when she ignored me from the minute we sat down, and I've said it before and she promises to change, but doesn't. I'm done, I don't want this anymore. I go out because she wants to see me, but I don't enjoy it.
How can I diplomatically say anything when I'm kind of all she's got that's 'sane' in her life. She suffers hugely with depression and I don't want to start that off again, she's incredibly needy and fragile, but I'm sick of it.
Can anyone offer so gentle words?
I've tried reducing contact but then I just get bombarded with soppy messages and cards through the post.
Sorry it's so long!