So that's it then

[JarredHeart]

This is my first post as I now just feel so alone and don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life.

STBXH left almost 4 months ago, at first saying he needed some space but thought some time apart would help us but after a few weeks admitted to an affair saying he thought he loved her and some really hurful things like we'd never been right for one another and that he only got married because he thought I would want to, he has never been happy. I could go on.

Everyone kept saying he'll regret it, he will see what a mistake he has made etc but today he has come and collected all his things and posted the keys back through the door and it feels so real and so final now.

I suppose I half hoped he would see he had made a mistake and come home but I know in my heart it won't happen. I feel so pathetic to still want a man who so clearly doesn't want me. I can't work out why I'm not good enough and I am just utterly broken.

You are good enough. He’s an arse. He’s justifying stuff retrospectively to excuse his affair.
Sorry he’s done this to you 💐

Sorry you are going through this. Do you have close friends to lean on? I imagine that keeping busy and planning lots of things that gets you out of the house with friends will help get you through in the short-term.
You are good enough.
Nobody put a gun to his head to marry you. He wanted to.
He betrayed you and is re-writing history to make it seem someone else's fault.
How long were you together? Any children?

Let him go, the mistakes he makes now don't impact you not your problem

If he does come crawling back don't take him back. It'll make you feel worse

Go NC and keep at it, it'll make you see sense

Thank you both for replying. I am generally doping ok, just had a little wobble last night coming home to the house emptied of all his things.
keeping busy helps and I have my friends and family who are really supportive. I just don't want to burden them with my problems. Most of my friends have children and all are married or in serious relationships so i dont want to be too needy.
We were together 10 years and marries just shy of 7 when he left. No children together, he has 1 DC from a previous relationship who I am close to but still seeing quote regularly, her mum has been so nice about everything and wants me to continue to be part of her DDs life which I am so thankful for.
I know you are both right, he is just twisting and rewriting history but there's still that self doubt that makes me question myself

Really sorry, this is so tough. You are good enough, and and in time you will find someone who loves and appreciates you as you are, but right now of course you feel broken and gutted. Have a big unmumsnetty ((hug)) from me.

PS he isn’t necessarily an arse but he will be rewriting history to make himself feel less guilty about behaving so badly.

If there was a time to be kind to yourself this is it , talk to your friends and family , take the support they will offer . Be kind to yourself generally , plan something nice for yourself and dc ( hats off to the mum btw , and thus shows how lovely you are that she wants dc to have you in their life ) treat yourself well
He is justifying what he has done, the affair but as other posters have said he is just rewriting history
Let him be , and concentrate on yourself .

He is only changing history so he can feel better about his actions. If he can convince himself that your relationship was less than it really was then it minimises his guilt in betraying it.

Please don't let him upset you. It's just another example of what a bastard he really is.

Read chump lady and get angry with him. You will also laugh.

www.chumplady.com/

This shock and disbelief is a stage of your grieving process . You will get through it and it will get easier, I promise .

Feel all the feelings you never bury them dead but alive.

What do you mean you aren't good enough?! The mother of your step daughter wants you to stay in her life, what better endorsement is there? Be sad, then move on and be happy.

Thank you all. I am focusing just now on getting the house on the market and I have a new project at work to keep me busy so I am doing ok most of the time.
Someone with a similar experience told me recently to give it a year and I will be happier and stronger for it. I really hope so!