Sorry about the ridiculously long post. Have ear infection from hell and I am on A LOT of drugs. Which are messing with my head and making me way more crazy than normal.
Having a blip with my man and can't decide if I'm overreacting or if he's being useless. Giving my crappy state of mind I'm majorly overthinking it all and think it could all blow up out of proportion if I'm not careful.
Been seeing my guy for a few months now. He's always been a gentleman, has moments of occasional uselessness but will then go out of his way to make up for it. We're in a committed relationship. He's told friends and family about us. He always makes time for me, apart from this weekend, grrr.
I've been really ill all week with an ear injection. Have needed intramuscular antibiotics. His car is currently broken so he travels to me by train which takes nearly 2hrs and he works funny hours so he's not been able to come and see me. He did send flowers though and has been in contact with me pretty much constantly, even remembering all my various appointments.
As I don't drive either we've been a bit limited in how often we can see each other. He has to get up around 2-3 in the mornings so it's impossible for him to stay here midweek and I have children so can't easily stay at his. This means we've only been seeing each other at weekend but if I'm honest that's been absolutely fine for me. We had a long chat recently and he told me he's hopefully changing his job after Christmas and that things will be easier then so I know that this not seeing each midweek is just a temporary blip and that he's trying to fix it. He's also been talking about moving closer to me.
His car has been broken for nearly a year. He works in London, lives outside London right next to the met underground, gets free travel from work so he's not really needed the car. He said until he started seeing me he didn't really missed it but since we've become an item he's been making quite a fuss about getting the car sorted. He won't take it to a mechanic because he's an engineer and says he can do it himself a lot cheaper. Suddenly he's basically saying he can't see me this weekend because he has to fix the car.
By Thursday a week of no sleep and being in agony has messed with my head a lot and left my quite frustrated. I have basically got myself into an increasingly negative anxious state of mind. Interestingly the drugs I'm on have anxiety listed in the bloody side effects.
Then to add to this he wasn't being very proactive about when we'd next get to see each other. He's kept going on about how much he misses me and wishes I was there but hasn't bothered to set anything up despite me doing some major hinting about when I was free. On Thursday I found out I can upgrade my phone so I said to him that I was having lunch with my mum on Sunday so we could sort it out ( mum and I share a contract as we've found it's cheaper) He seemed ridiculously interested in me getting a new phone so I made a joke about him coming with us and he freaked out a bit so I made it clear that I was joking and didn't expect him to come. Anyway I had made it crystal clear that I was free Saturday but not Sunday (unless he wanted to meet my mother for lunch) Finally on Thursday evening I said
"hoping I get to see you some point this weekend xxx"
He doesn't reply until 2:30am Friday morning, that's his regular getting up time.
"I'm working on my car Saturday, I'll see how it goes, are you free all weekend? Xxx"
At this point I feel like screaming because I've told him when I am free and I feel like he's putting his bloody car before seeing me. I mean how could anyone that really likes you and misses you put a car before you?! Especially when they've made do without the car for months?!
Because I'm upset I don't reply, I need to calm down first. Interestingly within minutes of me reading that message on WhatsApp he sent me another message saying "Good morning beautiful xxx" he then sent another one 2hrs later "how are you feeling?" So I think he was worrying about what I was thinking. At this point I'm not ignoring him, I'm just busy with the school run so I say "good morning handsome xxx" and he replies "are you ok? Xxx" I said I had just been busy doing the school run. Then he was like "get your new phone tomorrow! You'll be able to see pictures of me without cracks all over my face" Seriously why say this?! And why the sudden interest in me getting my phone on Saturday when I've made it clear that I'm getting it Sunday? I reiterate that I need my mum to do it with me and she can only do Sunday. He then starts suggesting phones. He's going on and on about a new one that's coming out this week that he's planning on buying and is basically saying I should get the same phone. I'm confused and don't understand why it matters so much to him. And I'm feeling really sad at this point because all I want is to see him and he doesn't seem remotely bothered about seeing me. At this point he realises I'm being a bit off. I know that I'm really not behaving like myself and decide to be honest with him so I pour my heart out:
"I'm really sorry I know I'm probably coming across in a bad way. My head is totally fucked. A week of not sleeping, being ill, not being able to exercise has just totally screwed me up. I'm in an incredibly over anxious state of mind where I'm just seeing lots of negatives. It's making me micro analyse everything you say and I keep coming to conclusions that I know in my heart are wrong and stupid but my head just makes me think negatively"
He replied straight away
Him: "OK well hopefully not too negatively about us. I tend to do the same so know how you feel when you over analyse things xxx
What would make you feel better? Xxx
Me: I just need to know that we're OKxxx
H: Yes, of course, I would say if we weren't. I'm very much into you xxx
Me: OK thank you xxx
H: Send me a photo of you xxx
Me: I will do in a bit xxx (I can't right at that moment because I'm crying)
H: What conclusions are you coming to about us? 😞
Me: Its just my head being stupid xxx
H: Ok.... Hopefully it is xxx
So is there something not OK about me?
Me: No you're perfect, its nothing youve done. I don't normally worry about us. I've just convinced myself that you don't really like me. I know I'm being stupid xxx
H: Yeah a little, nothing to worry about. I really like you xxx
Me: Deep down I know that. I'm really sorry xxx
H: Don't need to apologise 😘
Me: No I do need to because I'm now making you think that you've done something wrong xxx
H: Its OK, just need to know you're into me xxx
Me: I am incredibly into you. More than you realise xxx
H: That's good I guess 😚xxx
Me: You guess? Xxx
H: Bad choice of words. Its good but I don't know how much which is why I say I guess. The more the better.... Better than if you didn't like me xxx (seriously what does this message mean!? What is he trying to tell me?!)
Me: I like you a lot, its why I'm freaking out a bit. I think I like you more than you like me and my head has gone into overdrive from being ill xxx
H: I hope you feel better soon xxx
Then the conversation peters out because I fall asleep. When I wake I message him and tell him I'm feeling a lot better and apologise for making him anxious. He takes 2hrs to reply and just says "you haven't xxx". Then when I try replying I only get one tick on WhatsApp and start freaking out. It's like that for hours and hours so I start thinking he's blocked me because it doesn't make sense. He always keeps his phone on, even in the cinema, he always has a battery charger with him too. They don't finally go through until midnight. But 8am there's nothing from him which is really unusual. In the end I send him another message asking if he's ok and saying how much better I feel. And I say to let me know how he gets on with the car as I'd love to see him.
He's replied saying he's overslept and is just squeezing in a gym session before his dad comes over. No comments about wanting to see me too or that I might be able to go over there, nothing.
I send a quick response back just to show I'm not grumpy, I don't expect anything back. to my surprise he comes back to me straight away and then replies straight away to me next response.
Then he puts: "are you phone hunting today?"
And I feel like screaming! I'm made it fucking crystal clear that I'm phone hunting on Sunday! I'm free all day and night today but you'd rather fix your bloody car and haven't made any suggestions as to when you'd like to see me or if you even want to see me.
I mean seriously how can he say that he "really likes me" and say he's "very much into me" when he's then not making an effort to see me?! Why does the car come before me?
He's now been messaging me enquiringly about whether the phone contract on this new phone that he wants me to get are reasonable and how he's going to buy this phone (brand new £450 odd pounds) on Wednesday.
You know what mark for £450 you could've had your fucking car fixed ages ago!
I'm so fed up and have no idea how to proceed. I really needed to see him this weekend. Especially after my little blow out.
I just don't get him this week. He saying one thing but acting another.
"Bad choice of words. Its good but I don't know how much which is why I say I guess. The more the better.... Better than if you didn't like me xxx" what the hell did he honestly mean with this message?!
"The more the better" I thought that was him saying that he'd like it if I liked him more than like if you know what I mean?
So I then said the whole liking him a lot things and thinking that I like him more than he likes me and that's when he went a bit strange so now I'm thinking was he just fishing to find out how much I liked him and have I now freaked him out?
I am so fucking confused.
Anyway a boyfriend who'd rather tinker with his car than see his girlfriend doesn't bode well does it? 😢
He's now messaged me saying how tired he is and I've just been really blunt and said:
"Oh dear, I know the feeling. Guess I won't be seeing you this weekend?"
And he's replied straight away:
"Hopefully, probably having dinner with my parents, feel bad if I don't as my dad is spending time here xxx"
Don't know exactly what I'm supposed to make of that!