Feel like a single parent

[user1475052884]

I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years and I'm currently pregnant with number 4. My partner doesn't work and I work part time since having my LO, I feel like my partner is not trying hard enough to get a job as we are struggling on my wage, I work 4hrs a day and when I get home I need to do everything from housework to putting the kids to bed he just sits on his phone or play station and I've tried talking to him but nothing changes, he's obsessed with fishing he doesn't drive so 9 times out of 10 I need to take him and pick him up. He has went fishing with his friends every weekend for months and never spends time with me and I hate that I get he needs time to himself but what about me? I never get time to myself.

On a weekday I get up early whilst he lies in bed I feed the baby and get my two older kids ready for school then I go to work and he gets up to take them to school, I'm exhausted, if I have a annual leave I need to do everything from the minute the kids get up to the minute they go to sleep.

How can I get him without being the nagging wife (not married) to help more, apply for more jobs and to not spend every weekend fishing, I don't mind him fishing but when he goes a few days during the week after I've finished work and then goes on the he weekend too it bugs me. I have a weeks annual leave next week and I'm tempted to cancel it just so I can get those 4hrs to myself

• I have tried to get more hrs at work but got declined and if I get a new job I won't get maternity pay

For the past couple of years he has made out that I was the bad one trying to control him and I was the physco it's actually a relief to know that his behaviour isn't right.

In the past when I've told him to leave he's refused what can I do if he does this? I've spoken to my housing officer in the past about this and all she said was cause his name is also on the house they can physically remove him

I wonder if it would be worth keeping a day to day diary of exactly what his input with the children is? It sounds to me like he is doing almost nothing with them/for them so if you can show the pattern over a period of time then it might support your case that he's actually not a SAHD, just a lazy fucker.

Have you asked him what he gets out of being part of the family? Sounds like he’d be ok on his own. I struggle to see how he would get rehoused though, what would the council do if you got a divorce, would they do anything about separate accommodation?

Yes and like mrs says, do get some advice from shelter or the CAB about what you can do.

Has he ever threatened you physically or been verbally threatening?

You can seek a thing called an Occupation Order

The Court does have a power to make occupation orders under s.33 Family Act 1996, whether the couple are married or not, but while an order to allow one person to occupy the property and the other person be excluded is possible, the Courts are very reluctant to use these powers except in such situations as domestic violence, for the clear reason that making such and order is depriving the excluded person of a valid property right.

The Court has regard to ‘the housing needs’ of each party and where there are children, the Court may be keener to give an occupation order to the primary child carer, but this is not certain.

He's a waste of space. I couldn't live with a useless, financially dependant unhelpful man.

I'm sure tax credits don't pay for 3rd child after April 2017

You need to control all the money for the foreseeable future, get him into full time work and tell him to stop expecting tax payer to pay for fishing trips

Waste of time money and effort he is

No they don't pay for a 3rd child after April 2017 but youngest was born before then

Sounds like their are faults on both sides, twenty hours work between you when you have four children to support is the height of laziness.

Not sure why you would carry on having children with him if he's that bad or neither of you wanted to do much.

Five years since he's worked. He's got it good hasn't he?

He has no intention of ever working again or changing his behaviour.

You make reasonable demands for help and it sounds as if he retaliates by saying you're unreasonable. Does he have one of those aggressive arguing styles where he talks over you, you get upset and then you're the one that's 'hysterical'?

I'm so sorry , your situation sounds really difficult.

For now, while you figure out what your rights are can you put it in writing to the council that he refuses to go.

A man who wasn't abusive would surely leave! If you're saying to a 'partner' this relationship is over, surely he'd go! Refusing to leave when the relationship is over is evidence of abuse, to those who understand abuse but so many don't

yellowmakesmesmile that was an abusive comment to a woman who is in a terribly difficult situation. If she works even part time and has three children she is FAR from lazy. She's also pregnant, and worried about the future and trying to change her life, so when you sit there blithely typing a casually abusive comment, ask yourself how you 'show up'' in the universe

Twenty hours work a week, done by one person (the OP) who has also tried to increase her hours (and has had a contraception failure). And she does everything for everyone and probably nothing for herself.

If you're going to kick, kick the right person.

You obviously haven't read the post properly, I was declined more hours at work due to no extra work and if I was to get a new full time job I won't get maternity pay. I signed my part time contract agreement BEFORE I went onto maternity leave last time on the promise my partner would get a full time job .... more fool me!! And as I've already mentioned birth control failed I went for an abortion but couldn't go through with it in the end. How is life up there on your high horse?

OP ignore those posters trying to wind you up. Don't take any notice.

As you're pregnant, you have enough stress. When are you due?

I'd certainly make sure OP that he's in routine of work because your 4th child won't have tax credits you need to ensure you get child maintenance off him otherwise this will be a struggle either way you look at it.

Tell him straight stay here you need a job, get tough only buy minimal food for him no extras

OP I put it wrongly. You aren't asking him for 'help', you are asking him to fulfil his adult responsibility of taking equal share for the family you have both created and the work and financial provision that goes along with it. That isn't 'help' it is a perfectly normal, reasonable expectation, I don't think his behaviour borders on abuse, it is abuse. Abuse of trust and abuse of your financial situation to squander family time and money on his hobby.

You can get rid of him and I think you will be better off and happier unless he has some redeeming features you haven't told us about..

The only reason he is behaving like this is because you are allowing him to. Of course he's not going to get a job when he can use the money available to him to live off and to fund his hobbies etc while you cook and clean for him and bring up the children mainly on your own. He's got it too good! If you stop doing things for him, don't give him any of the household money and give him an ultimatum that he either steps up as a partner and father or he leaves then it might be the kick up the bum he needs. If it doesn't work then you need to get advice on how to remove him from your life asap.

There's always going to be a few bored people on here 😂

I'm due in April so still got a few months to go and to figure this all out.

It's our nephews 1st birthday next weekend and my OH moaned because he's supposed to be going camping/fishing so we will see what he picks in the end

FFS, you know what he'll do. Did you accidentally shack up with a water vole?

Notoast a redeeming feature? Ermmmm he can carry all the shopping from the car in one go 😂 but in all seriousness I know things need to change I will speak to him tonight when he gets in

You can get a trolley for that. Good luck with the chat!