hi everyone i have a problem that i would like outside opinions on. ok here goes...
i have ben with my (now) husband since i was 14 and he was 15 i am now nearly 25 so we have been together a very long time, we have a lovely relationship and 2 beautiful children, we enjoy the same things and hardley ever argue, so whats the problem i bet u are thinking, well the problem is his family his mum is a very nasty evil person she is a binge drinker and has done nothing but try to cause problems in our relationship, even hubby doesnt have much to do with her she does things like spread rumours that our first child isnt my husbands (i can assure u he is) but this is just the tip of the iceburg of the nasty horrible things she says and does, the children dont have anything to do with her because to be perfectly honest myself and my husband would fear for their saftey, also hubby doesnt want them to experiance the things he did when he was growing up, then there is his brother who again is not a nice person but we dont see much of him. Anyway the real problem that i am needing advice with is his dad, i get on ok with his dad and he isnt nasty like the others but he practically lives at my house, he runs his business from the town i live in but he lives in a different town so hes ALWAYS at my house, he sits there when im eating my tea/dinner /breakfast and critises everything we eat its got so bad that i now wait till i know hes gone home and wont be coming back for the night which is normqlly from 7pm, then i make tea, he turns up at 9 in the morning and if they dont have any work on ( hubby and fil work together) then they both sit infront of the pc for most of the day or chat amongst themselves. another thing is that fil trys all the time to take hubby with him on everything hes doing even if its just a drive to pick up boiler parts or whatever i get the impression he wants to be with him all the time and im feeling like an outsider in my own marriage, i really understand the expression of 3 in a marriage now, also fil always rips hubby off with money but hubby cant see it or he doesnt want to see it, i dont mind fil coming round but like this, its been going on ever since we moved in together which is nearly 6 yeras ago, a typical day is this...if they are working fil turns up at 9 30 they sit round for a bit then go to work, sometimes they will come back for dinner and hubby makes fil dinner to which really annoys me coz i can barely afford to fill my cuboards with enough food to feed my kids never mind feeding him(who is by the way a VERY rich man) then they go to work again till bout 6 then fil comes back with hubby and sits round ordering me to make him cups of tea and turn the tele off stop the kids being noisy etc then eventually at bout 7 he goes, but on a day when there is no work which has been very frequent for about 6 months he turns up here agqain at 9 30 then sits here all day, throughout the day he will pop out for an hour somewhere but then he comes back, this goes on all day, he has 2 old vans that dont work that he left outside my house and wont move, his cleanleness isnt the best and he always smells of alcohol, he roots through my cuboards and opens things to feed to my dogs i just dont know what to do, ive even tried hiding the milk and teabags hoping he wont stay if he cant have a cup of tea but that dont work, ive tried locking the back gate without hubby knowing, but he just rings hubbys mobile and then hubby opens it, once i told hubby that i wanted to spend a few hours in bed with him this was a desperate attempt to take some control and not let him in, but low and behold the back door knocked (we ahd locked it otherwise he walks in) so we ignored the door, he knocked for 5 mins then rang hubbys mobile he ignored it so then he phoned mine, i ignored it then he rang the house phone, again we ignored then he knocks the door again and it went on like this untill hubby eventually answered, i have spoken to hubby bout this many many times and it always turns into a row as hes very defensiive about his dad, but the thing is i just cant cope anymore, it may sound trivial to who evers reading this but its really bothering me, ive even started thinking about ending my mrriage because of this, there are lots of things that i know i will wish i had typed in after ive sent this message, and to list just one more, if hubby gets his own jobs in he most of the time brings his dad in on the job and he doesnt do any of the work butt akes half of the money, this really upsets me coz i feel like hes stealing the food from my childrens mouths as we are struggling for money at the moment and he is a rich man, and i resent hubby for giving him the money grrrrrrrr i justy dont know what to do, i feel like hubby cares more bout his dad then he does about me because hes very clear on my feelings but obviously doesnt care enough about me to do anything bout it, do u think im being silly???? i really need honest opinions because im just not happy with situation anymore to the point where im thinking leaving hubby will free me of his dad being here all the time but i need to know im doing the right thing and not being petty, hubby gets very angry when i bring up the subject and ends up getting really nasty over it which intimidates me (not that im afraid he'd hit me he would never do that) pleaswe somebody help, and thank you for reading this essay lol. xx