every time I turn around he is asleep.

[lolaflores]

at the weekend he sleeps in till 11.00am and will have a snooze later in thea fternoon
Today, he is meant to be working from home. I have just returned after running some errands and he is back in bed.
He has a nap most evenings after work. 40 winks.
He plays dodge the alarm every morning from 6.15 to 7.00isn.

Tgere is a mysterious smell in the bathroom that he has promised to look into. There are numerous things that need addressing round the house which seem to remain unfinished despite constant pronises to get them sorted.

I am at my fucking wits end. I say nothing anymore cause it turns into a fight, he knows he is taking the piss so gets defensive but does nothing to change it.

I am going to ring someone to deal with everything because at this rate we are going to be living under a tarp as the house falls gentlt apart.

He snores pretty badly and I think this is keeping him awake or not sleeping properly. He stays up till 12.00 ish most nights, later at the weekend.
Right now I am wound up by it all.

My dad has sleep apnoea and has never behaved like this.

He may be getting poor quality sleep and feeling tired all the time, but that's no excuse for not carrying out household chores while he is awake.

It would help if he went to bed earlier.

My ex was like this. He was a lazy bastard. & also didn't go to bed early enough to get a good sleep. He'd be awake to play his PC games and if his mates were on phone, aside from that he lazed around. Always "Im tired" if it came to helping around the house, DIY etc. No, I couldn't talk to him about it as he was seriously defensive

As for those who seem to be attacking you for not speaking softly enough about it all - There seems a complete lack of awareness that you can't FORCE a man to listen to you, or investigate cause of falling asleep.. Do most of you have GP's whereby you can rock up, say my DH is sleepy all the while and then GP commands them to come in on your say so?

Its bloody irritating to live with when someone wants to simply continue the way they are, and wants you to shut up about it. & of course you should shut up, deal with all the stuff that needs doing so they can be left to it.

If they had to function alone they likely wouldn't sleep all the time as there's stuff to be done, food to be prepared etc. As it is, someone else is doing all that aren't they so why should they care? They've got a facilitator

Im convinced some women infantilise their husbands then want to have a go at you when you don't do same. I couldn't find someone I had to infantilise sexy at all. Whats this about "make an appointment for him". Even my DCs can make their own GP appointments..! Does making an appointment for him compel him to go then?

Anyway OP its not your fault. Sit him down have a firm word with him. He is not a baby he can go to his GP and see if anything is wrong

Good luck hope you get it sorted

I do think he ought to get his own docs appointment, I am not his parent. As I said, we have tried to have discussions about sleep apnoea to no avail so far. That said, I have had a gentle discussion, pointing out his own tiredness, the lack of progress in regards to the outstanding issues in the house and my frustration.
To my mind, it is his place to sort his health out.
As to depression, I am being treated for depression, which no doubt someone will helpfully point out is very stressful for him and I whole heartedly agree but we seem to be in a cycle out of which I alone cannot break us.
And I will feel like an utter cow when he gets a diagnosis or some treatment but till then I am, I think, quite rightly frustrated.

Been where you are now and it was sleep apnoea.

Quite frankly, knowing what I know now I couldn’t go be a shiny shit who’s responsibility it was, I was if forced the issue 20 years ago and reduced his risk of stroke and heart disease, not to mention bought back hours of outlet lives together and countless arguments because I too thought mine was lazy or couldn’t be arsed.

I feel guilty now for being so wrong but it wasn’t until I came on Mumsnet and saw others posting that I realised that it was probably medical.

You don’t have that excuse.

Sorry for the typos, trying to type and do dinner isn’t a good mix

Short version: he’s at high risk of health issues. Push him to to docs to reduce his risk sooner and fix this. Doesn’t matter it’s not your responsibility on something this serious!

Sounds exactly like my dh until Feb this year when, after years of me telling him, he went to the GP about his snoring/sleepiness. Up several times a night, snoring which regularly woke me up, naps in the daytime, spending more hours in bed than up at the weekends. Turns out he has severe sleep apnoea and now has a CPAP machine which he uses each night and its like turning the clock back 20 years, he's got energy, is awake all day without a nap, getting less stressed over work, more patience with our teenagers, even more romantic with me! Its lovely.

Get your dh to go to the GP and ask for a sleep test - one night in hospital - and the diagnosis is pretty clear cut. Its made a huge difference to me, too, as theres no snoring, getting up to the toilet etc, just a faint hissing noise that I don't even hear any more. I wish he'd done it sooner, but now I'm just glad I have my husband back!

Got to do something here. So, I will keep up the message about the docs. He has agreed to see the GP but it is a matter of getting him in there but if it is going to save my sanity and his health, then I just have to stay with it.
I am sure he doesn't think its that big a deal but I might just point out some of the health risks and hope he sees sense.

Lola yours isn’t the only one to minimise the problem. It doesn’t indicate a lack of live for you although I’ll admit I was bitter and angry too. I still resent it took so long as I waited for him to take action and then gave up on that and pushed him.

Best of luck ck