Ex not told the kids he is getting married

[Onmyownwith4kids]

Ex left four years ago after I discovered an affair. He's still with her. During this time I have desperately tried to instigate regular contact but it's very sporadic. He sees them about four times a year. A few months ago I told him he needed to see them every other weekend to build more of a relationship. It started ok but he lost interest and it's been 4 weeks since he's seen them. On the last visit they saw save the date cards and future Mrs mugs etc. They know he is getting married but he has not told them or invited them. I feel hurt on their behalf. I don't care that he is marrying her. She removed a lazy lump from my sofa but is not involving his children in his wedding normal? The are 16,11,10 and 8 so old enough to understand.

He's a rubbish father. Stop trying to force the relationship. He doesn't care but your kids will get hurt.

My df also married without my knowledge or invite. Lots of dc there just not me . I never forgave him, as I got older I realised she pulled the strings and he was more than happy to be the puppet. Nc for over 20 years now.
Remind your dc he is the child in their relationship not them - he is no great loss to them I imagine.

This is the problem we mothers of children with shit fathers have. You can't shield your DC from the hurt because it is painful but you can help them to accept this is what he's like and to manage their expectations regarding their relationship with him moving forwards.

They don't seem bothered. They are happy and secure but I do feel a responsibility to try and save their relationship with him. It's so sad as his own dad did the same. He hated him for it. I never thought history would repeat itself. New wife is also a lot younger than him and childless so they could have children themselves. I'm worried mine will feel replaced.

It's understandable you worry and want what's best for them but you can't do anything about his behaviour - only how you deal with it.

History repeated itself why my ex too. He hated his father and then turned into him. But I have worked very hard to make sure I don't follow the example set by my own parents and hopefully your children will learn how not to be like him too through this.

i would love him to change before it's too late. There is a selfish motivation. I feel like I can't be the parent I want to be unless he does more. By the time I've worked, run around after the kids, cooked and cleaned I fall into an exhausted heap. I'd almost rather he had nothing to do with them rather than the sporadic, self indulgent, "love you more than anything," swooping in that goes on.

You can’t fix him though.

I would probably tell him he gets no further contact unless it is regular as he is just screwing them around at the moment and being confusing.

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Holy Spam.
Bit early for Woo innit'
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