Really struggling [sad]

[FlyingSoloFlyingFree]

I split with my H earlier this year, mutual decision and we’re reasonably amicable. It was what I wanted and I know we made the right decision but I’m not coping well on my own.

I thought I wanted freedom and on a good day I find the thought exciting but mostly I just feel so low and desperate for affection. I’ve tried OLD which has been a disaster - I get keen too quickly and am then gutted when I’m inevitably ditched. I just can’t handle the rejection at all.

I’m having a job just getting through the day tbh, I keep crying and have no motivation to do anything - just keeping a house running, my DD sorted and getting to work feels overwhelming and I’m scared I’m going to mess it all up. I’m crying as I write this, I just want to put my head under the covers and it all to go away.

DD is getting excited about Xmas, everyone is starting to make plans but I can’t find any enthusiasm. I don’t know what I want any more, I just rely on wine at night and fags during the day, bore my friends whining about my latest online disaster and cry more than I ever thought possible.

I know it can be like this after a break up but I never expected it to be this hard, I don’t want to go back but I don’t know how to move forward.

Oh love, you’re having such a rough time

You’ve described several symptoms of depression in your OP. Have you spoken to your GP?

It sounds like you’ve got some grieving to do. Give yourself permission to feel sad for your loss. Even though it was the right decision, you’re still entitled to grieve for everything that’s gone and for the marriage you thought it would be.

Be kind to yourself. Look out for the stuff that helps you and try to drop the behaviours that make you feel worse.

Baby steps. You’ll get there.

I think there is a huge dip at some point after a break up, I certainly went through it and it has taken me a while to really feel that I am strong and free.

I also can get keen too quickly, I am a people pleaser and romantic at heart. It’s difficult. It sounds like you need to work on prioritising yourself and doing things that make you feel good (properly good, not crutches).

You’ll get there, be kind to yourself.

Maybe you're looking at getting in to another relationship as a form of sticking plaster? Like you need one to take away the pain? Maybe you need time to grieve for your marriage first before you embark on another relationship? Also, if you're finding rejection so painful, this might be because you're not emotionally resilient right now? What you describe does sound like the symptoms of depression, why don't you go and discuss your feelings with your GP? 💐

Get off of on-line dating.
It's making things worse and you really aren't ready yet.
Be kind to yourself.
This won't just magically all get better.
It takes time - lots and lots of time.
But you will get there.
We promise you will.
So many of us have been there.
Keep looking to friends and family - they want to help you.