Opinions please (male perspective would be very helpful) - will I bitterly regret this?

[grovelling]

Ok, I'm a name changing regular but feeling embarrassed.
I've had a long relationship with a male friend, more than sex buddies (have said we love each other, talked about a future) but not proper gf/bf - friends for years, sex for a couple of years. Neither of us has a partner but a proper relationship isn't really feasible for various reasons.
I've been feeling prety lousy about myself recently: fat, aging, unattractive etc, and didn't see him for a while. He had 'man flu' and kept away, but it seemed to go on so long that I got carried away with suspicions. Istarted playing games, being cold, unavailable, and eventually he got pissed off and stopped answering texts and calls, the last one was a very cold reply.
I'm angry that he's chosen to end things so immaturely, but I also know he's hurt and confused and it's mainly my fault.
My question is, if I go round and say, I don't want to end four year's good friendship like this, apologise for hurting him and try and explain , will I look sad and desperate, and come away feeling even worse than I do now? I'm not going to ask him to get back together but I can't carry on like this. But I don't want to come away with my pride ground into the dust and feeling even worse.
Long, silly, and childish I know, sorry.

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Not male but I would say talk to him - just say you seem to be unhappy about something whats up - if you have a "light" relationship it should be quite easy.

If you dont you want a "real" relationship...it seems to me hes just a FWB...then go for it. If you want more I would think after a couple of years its time for it to shape up or ship out.

If you just want a FWB then great - I had one for years - sure beats picking up strangers in clubs LOL

Thanks. All opinions help , just wondered if males would thing 'desperado' because i really really don't want that - I have texted an apology and got just a short cold reply.

And yes, I think I probably want more than FWB but it's complicated (time commitments, family stuff).

If you want more you have to put your pride aside & talk to him...If he wants the same you'll know soon enough.

ok, since you asked for opinions. you are the one who started to behave immaturely and he got fed up with you.

i think you owe him an apology and explanation with no expectations.

so i would suggest writing a letter. apologise, explain - but don't try to excuse! but don't ask for anything. maybe just say you are sorry that a friendship that meant the world to you has ended like this. - and don't tell him you think he was immature (too much pot and kettle!!) acknowledge his anger.

if he wants to take up with you again, he will respond to your letter. if he doesn't, all you have done is apologise to someone you have treated unfairly. you haven't asked for anything so have not been rejected.

what do you think?

oh and can i just add, if something is too complicated in the way you describe. then it really isn't meant to be. if it was love and a life together, then you wouldn't be seeing obsticles and yeahbuts. you would start from the position of we want to be together and deal with everything from there. things are simple when it's right.

Thanks. You're absolutely right.
I will go and see him I think - letter is still too impersonal.
Will probably be back drowning sorrows in a vat of gin later though.

Lots of luck!

how did it go?

oh... do tell

Well, it was all on the day.

I went round, apologised completely and took full responsibility, and he said he'd thought I was pretty much ending things myself the way I'd been acting.

We had a lovely evening together, felt very close, and pretty much as if it was a new start. We didn't talk aobut the future exactly, but I thought we were back on track and possibly heading for more than just FWB.

That was tuesday though, and I haven't heard from him since, and if he'd felt the way I thought he did I would have expected to. I'll call him in the next day or two (we often go about a week between meetings/contact), but on reflection think maybe things can't go back to what they were. If they don't though, I'm glad I said my peice and hopefull we'll stay friends.

Thanks for the input!