I hate dissecting a sex life (or lack thereof) on here - am exhausted with newborn, how long can I use I'm tired fairly as a no sex excuse?

[Piffle]

DP was angel while I was pregnant, not asking as he knew my pelvis was shot and I was really tired.
So last time was prob 2.5 mths ago (ds2 is 4 wks old this wk)
I'm tired, I guess with having dd 4.5 as well it's really hard work. ds2 feeds 2 hrly daytime,sometimes 3 hrly at night but not usually.
I go up to feed him at 10pm ish and stay in bed, maximising my hours, do says he isn't tired and stays down playing pc game or watching tv.
So by time he comes to bed I'm out and not waking up for anyone bar the wee fella.

Last night dp came up at the same time, but as the previous night ds had woken every 45 mintutes - I was out like a light, dp is very understnading but I feel bad for him.

I can barely manage to lean over and kiss him goodnight as am shattered.

Can he manage a bit longer or should we try and plan an occasion.

Or is this erm normal?

Jeez Piff, you must me absolutely stark raving bonkers to even be thinking about this now ! DH didn't get any action for at least 6-8 weeks (i think, certainly wasn't before that).
You are exhausted atm, give yourself a chance

Piffle the fact that you are being so considerate when you are obviously shattered should be enough. What about talking to him and presenting things in this understanding light?

I do think an occassion where you get some help and sleep before might be a good idea though.

Oh he is not putting any pressure on me at all.
Maybe I'll talk to him and see how he feels maybe...
I'm sure there is a compromise...
I just want to resume at somepoint but not sure how or when I should really expect to.
I had an easy birth no tears etc

With dd it was easy as she was just one and a very easy baby, you could set your clock by her.

I think dp thought it might be like that, as if somehow one more little person makes no difference

My second was a killer and there was only 13 months between my first two. It is totally draining and consuming of all your energy. I think your answer is that you will be ready when you want to and four weeks is a very short time.

Cool, I'm glad and I should tell him I'm a Saint for even thinking about his needs.
That should mollify him

Thats the spirit.

I think when we are really knackered we start worrying about stuff which no one else cares that much about. I bet your dh just wants you to have more sleep as well.

god, perfectly normal!

if he propositions you and you don't feel like it just say so. Maybe if it goes on for a while you could have a compromise like doing everything but full sex, a bit of foreplay or something.

It sounds normal to me. We had sex 3 weeks after ds2 but it was about 10 days after dd and ds1. It was all my doing though as I really enjoy sex. Of course I'm knackered too (ds2 now 13 weeks) as ds2 wakes 3-4 times a night and feeds every couple of hours during the day but having sex has made me feel more like a women iyskim and not just a mother of 3. I haven't been able to do much on my own yet as I'm breastfeeding so in a way this helps. We usually make time once the baby goes up and before I go to bed. I'm in bed by 10 most nights and co-sleeping so we just do it earlier and elsewhere

jodie - my 13 yr old ds stays up later than me, I do not think elsewhere is a goer in this house

bathroom with the door locked?

Wel we had our first sex about 3-4 months after ds was born. We had also not had any sex for the last 3-4 weeks of my pregnancy (I was 2 weeks overdue and so big it was like manouvering a whale so not much fun really)

I did have tearing though - a normal external tear and bad internal tearing near my cervix so it all took a while to heal and for me to feel like it would all be OK

Also although we did it at 3-4 months post birth our frequency did not get back to normal for almost a year. So we only did it very rarely until then. In fact it pretty much coincided with when ds started sleeping more than a couple of hours at a time when he was 11 months old.

Gahh os totally normal. But.....you know what they say about a sex life - use it or lose it!

Try and encourage yourself to to have ago. Once your back in the saddle you'll never look back.

If you wait until you are not feeling tired it will be AT LEAST 6 months.

Having said that I didn't feel physically ready until about 6 weeks after second bubba due to dodgy stitching.

It's a matter of doing what feels right for you - and for your household. 4 weeks really isn't a very long time and you might not be quite physically up for it yet anyway (I'm fairly sure that it's still recommended to wait 6 weeks to allow for stitches, tears and lochia to be all healed up). The main thing is to keep communicating with your DH and try to avoid getting backed into corners with him nagging for sex and you frantic to avoid it. Good luck.

I thought it wasn't recommended until until the 6 week check up anyway.

4 weeks is a very short time, you are an angel to even think of it, I do remember at the time I had difficulty even talking to my DH never mind thinking about jollies. My DH has a high sex drive and I found it very difficult for a number of weeks because I was exhausted, fat, sore from the c section.

Best way I found is once you think you can have a go at the deed then tell your DP that he needs an early night nudge nudge wink wink. If he wants to go back to play on his computer afterwards then fine once you have done it a couple of times then its not so bad ( oh dear I'm not selling it well, DS is a year old and I would like to say that I have got my mojo back now, although not quite as often as old)