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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is she behaving like this?

9 replies

Lunaluce · 16/11/2017 06:19

Re-posting after limited replies elsewhere. I am manager of a small team and said woman is my deputy. She is leaving because it's an awful place to work due to higher management flaws.

We have always been close and have driven through a lot of improvements in our team. I feel she has a lot of skills I don't and often feel inadequate to her. Over the years I've said this to her and she has always said she has learnt loads from me and I'm being silly. We don't meet much socially but do confide in each other a fair bit.

Since handing in her notice her manner towards me has changed. She seems to cut in when I'm talking, often in quite an abrasive way. Today I was talking about something personal but minor and clarified a point and she cut in " I really don't give a shit." It was actually quite awful though I tried to make a joke of it. It's the worst out of several similar examples.

Her going is leaving us as a team in the shit as we are struggling to replace her. I was a bit "off" with her briefly when she announced it but apologised that night so don't know if that's it and that was weeks ago.

I have loved working with her but it seems to be ending on a sour note. Any ideas why?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 16/11/2017 06:40

She's probably just fed up of working there like you.

Sometimes people develop a "don't care attitude once they've handed in their notice ... there's nothing to lose at this point.

abbsisspartacus · 16/11/2017 06:42

Back off from the friendship side of things if she says I don't give a shut again say I do and continue

hellsbellsmelons · 16/11/2017 06:46

Her - I really don't give a shit.
You - good. Do fuck the fuck off then dear.
Practice in the mirror.

SlartyFarkBarstard · 16/11/2017 06:55

She’s got no reason to be careful now, she’s leaving so Feels more able to speak her mind.
She’s probably been faking friendship to keep you on side but now she’s got one foot out the door she literally doesn’t give a shit anymore.

redexpat · 16/11/2017 06:57

I think she has just had enough of the place and really cant be bothered, and is taking it out on you.

Ilovelampandchair · 16/11/2017 07:00

You are her manager and have told her she's better than you and then were 'off' with her when she handed in her notice and worse 'apologised'.

I'm not hugely surprised she's just letting it all hang out now that she's leaving.

You need to act a bit more managerial.

greendale17 · 16/11/2017 07:02

She still needs a reference though doesn’t she?........

swansong81 · 16/11/2017 07:03

Because you’re not friends. You’re colleagues. She’s held it together for a period of time because she had to - now she’s leaving she actually doesn’t give a shit

In reality she should try keeping it together until the end of her notice but sounds like she’s ready to go.

I would just keep it professional. Like I said above you’re just colleagues.

Ilovelampandchair · 16/11/2017 07:04

And by all accounts of the OP this woman has performed excellently for years.

Don't be spiteful. Be professional.

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