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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sad about DH

8 replies

yousignup · 16/11/2017 05:50

Being vague about some details as I know DH reads here sometimes.
DH is a nasty drunk. I've given ultimatums and ultimatums because it's just not right. Since February he's been drunk twice a week and abusive and spiteful. Not violent, but aggressive and posturing.
I haven't seen or spoken to him since August (he lives part of the year in another country). I told him not to come back unless he stopped drinking. He said he would while he's with me, but I don't believe him and it's not enough.
Every week I'll get a message saying he's sorry, to which I'll reply that I don't trust him still. Sorry is not enough, I want him to recognise he's a spiteful drunk. It's not "a few drinks" and it's not "I got a bit tipsy".
After a few emails he'll get nasty and tell me to fuck off, I'm a bitch and he's sick of me anyway. Then he'll email me again. I don't answer now.
I don't know why I'm posting. I don't know what advice I want. My DS aren't his, and my property is mine alone. Divorce will be easy.
I just feel sad, and I have stomach anxiety every morning. When I don't think about him (and to be truthful it's less and less now), I am fine.
My situation is so easy compared to a lot of other MNers, but I'm so sad.
Every time I've got angry before he has let me down. He really thinks he's tried hard and that he's done all he can to fix things. In his mind he really has.
I'm lucky. There's nobody to call me a fat lazy ugly bitch anymore in front of my children. However my stomach is still churning and I feel so down.

OP posts:
Olicity17 · 16/11/2017 05:54

Oh i am so sorry its turned out like this. But you would be better divorcing. You dont get anything out of this marriage. How long have you been married?

CakesRUs · 16/11/2017 05:58

I understand you feeling sad under the circumstances, it’s in his control to change and he hasn’t. You know you can’t continue this relationship and you deserve better.

Good luck OP Flowers

yousignup · 16/11/2017 06:05

4 years but we haven't lived together for that long as I live abroad. He is a nice bloke but a drunk. And now I'm thinking that what he says drunk is what he means.

OP posts:
Olicity17 · 16/11/2017 06:07

What do you get out of this marriage? Have you ever lived together? Does he have any claim on your house?

yousignup · 16/11/2017 06:12

About 8 months on, 4 months off. No, he would have no claim on anything I have.

OP posts:
yousignup · 16/11/2017 06:15

I get emails saying there's nothing more he can do, he's tried so hard, it's not the drinking it's other things. He's really convinced himself. He says the last 3 months have been "arguing". For me it's not. It's his drinking.

OP posts:
Gaudeamus · 16/11/2017 06:50

It sounds like staying in contact with him is just inviting more excuses, insults and disappointment. He's not going to change, is he? Time to call it a day.

I feel certain your anxiety and sadness will get better once the decision is made.

Good luck.

SandyY2K · 16/11/2017 07:11

It seems to be a pointless marriage tbh. The first time he insulted ypu in getting of the kids should have been the last time.

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