How much shouting /arguing did you grow up with ?

[Screamer1]

My childhood memories are dominated by a lot of shouting and arguing. My mum was quite a shout mg person anyway, and I'm so desperate to not recreate that for my own kids.

I know that it wasn't all the time so why does it dominate my memories so much. I'm trying to work out if I was just particularly sensitive to it? There were a couple of huge rows between my parents that were pretty horrendous. But I think the reality was that it may have just been a period of time when they weren't getting on.

As a teenager I rowed a lot with my mum, so more shouting. Maybe I'd have been like that anyway but I can't help but think I was modelling some kind of behaviour

I am Mediterranean and have a quick temper. It is cultural but also part of a package with its positive and negative traits. Dh and I don't argue much though as he us incredibly calm so balances me out!

I grew up with lots of shouting and arguments and hated it though. It wasn't so much the shouting, more the constant atmosphere and walking in eggshells. I am definitely not like that at all thankfully

My mother shouted and overreacted a lot and my parents argued all the time. They told us it was normal and it helped to be open with your feelings. I remember sitting on the stairs at night and listening to them. I hated it. Mind you they are still together more than 50 years later.

Btw my mother is Mediterranean too but I have never been allowed to say that as its a racial stereotype.

My parents are white British

My husband and I never argue, its a peaceful house. I thought that was great but it just means I ignore almost anything for a quiet life and we dont communicate our real feelings

Still fucked up, just different

Lots. My father was alcoholic which lead to lots of rows. It was/is normal to me.

My mother constantly shouted at and needled my poor dad, who would acquiesce, and acquiesce, and acquiesce but would always be reduced to shouting in the end, usually about how her screaming at him was stopping him from trying to comply with her utterly irrational obsessions. Then she would come and scream at my brother and I, usually hitting me in the process.

I'm terrified of confrontation. I can't even bear slightly tense discussions between other people, or overhearing arguments between strangers. I get tense and nauseous, trapped between an urge to escape and this horrible illusory certainty that if I move a muscle one of them will flip out and start hitting me. I hate it and I'm scared of becoming a parent in case I turn out like her.

Lots and lots of shouting,arguing and violence in our home growing up,before my father eventually left for one of his many ow,he was horrendously violent towards my poor mother,who was tiny compared to him,looking back I'm amazed he never killed her.His reasons were pathetic,he'd start if someone said something "wrong" to him,something wasn't going right for him,he wasn't getting his own way or just because he could.We were all petrified of him but would try and protect my mother when he beat her in front of us,he wasn't shy of lifting his hands to us either on occasion.
After he eventually left my mother turned to alcohol,for some reason she adored him and couldn't get over him leaving,she was a raging alcoholic for a lot of years,she completely changed,became shouty and aggressive and was violent sometimes,she went into a clinic and got clean,we are so proud of her doing that,she stayed off alcohol for over 10 years.
She recently passed away from a very short but horrendous battle with cancer and my heart is completely broken,I'm ashamed to say I was embarrassed of her for a long time when she was drinking,I'd give anything to have her back
And history seems to be repeating itself as I've married a near carbon copy of my abusive father,I have no children though and would never have any to him,so I won't be inflicting a childhood like mine on to any child

I hate arguments, but it wasn't my parents - they weren't getting along but kept a lid on it - it was my parents and sibling. I feel like it was every mealtime, every car journey. Was awful for them too, I think they had an undiagnosed difficulty. I struggle now with conflict with my dc, which is never shouty, but still bothers me.

Lots of arguing and silence and all that. It’s left me with severe anxiety issues.

The single biggest thing that means a home is happy to me is an emotionally stable atmosphere - I cannot deal with walking on eggshells, sulking, shouting or aggression. We’ve only ever shouted as ds in danger situations (yelling stop for example if he was about to do something.)
Dh and I do not ever shout. I literally could not be with someone who shouted at me. If we have issues (and I think all couples do) we talk about it.

Mild snappiness followed by apology is as conflicty as it gets in this house. I’m determined to keep it that way. I do not think Shouting is healthy.

My dad was Mediterranean too. He was angry abusive aggressive paranoid controlling and shouted very loudly and relentlessly all the time. We were all scared of him and I'd sit on the stairs at night listenening to the 'rows' as they were called.
My mum was white English, softly spoken. I thought all people from his country were like that and had a lot of hate for his country/culture, as a child. Are they all like that?

I used to get upset whenever I shouted at my DCs, scared I was losing control and turning into my dad. I shouted less and less and now very rarely shout.
Sorry for long post.

My parents specialised in passive aggression, ignoring each other and sulking. My DGM used to say when she stepped into our house she could feel the temperature go down by a few degrees. It was horrible. I am extremely good at being passive aggressive too so have made it my life’s mission to recognise it and nip it in the bud. I hope I’m managing it.

Zuruak - I agree with you. Ideally there would never be any shouting. My DP and I occasionally shout at each other. Neither of us can bear it and each time we say we won't do it again. We make up and DCs see us make up, but I hate it.

Pretty much a childhood of shouting. Plates thrown against walls. Doors slammed and kicked in. Stuff smashed up. Even the dog used to hide under the bed.
We had a lot of nice memories though... when they weren't fighting.
They've got better as they got older. Still together over 30 years on.

I had terrible rages as a child. My mum still refers to how I couldn't control my temper. Or how I "cant". How would she know, we all live in different countries now. But it makes me laugh how she expected her kids to automatically be well behaved with the example we had to follow.

Ahh well. We turned out okay in the end. Learned from life experience how to not blow a fuse and now apparently I am "patronising" if I don't bite back.

Going to pick her up at the airport now. We manage about 4 days twice a year without a fight and manage to maintain a healthy relationship as can be. Distance makes us stronger or whatever. Wish me luck!

Lots of political & religious arguments. Not my parents but my mother arguing with my siblings or other people.

My parents only ever argued about money They truly adored each other & were happily married for almost 20 yrs... then They had a very acrimonious separation-divorce that my mother never recovered from.

Neoflex exactly the same as me. I would rage and shout as a teenager and my mother would say I was always shouting and how the whole street could hear me (which was probably true), but where did I get it from?

I think I only really learnt to control my emotions after meeting DH who is so well regulated, possibly too conflict adverse if you were being picky. My brothers resposne was to completely disengage from the arguing, whereas I would try and get involved.

My parents argued throughout my childhood. Lots of fighting, screaming, doors being slammed, affairs, drinking and constant arguing. I was bullied throughout primary and high school and every time something happened (most days) I'd go home upset my dad would be furious with me for 'causing more problems'. I had 5 ribs broken one day and was set on fire with a lighter and can of deodorant. The teacher took me to hospital and phoned my parents. My dad was so angry with me. It wasn't my fault. I'm now so anxious whenever I ask someone for help and I'll never ask my dad for anything again because even now he tuts and sighs and mutters under his breath and makes me feel awful.

Huge debts were the cause of most kick offs. We were absolutely skint growing up, had to fight to keep the house and I remember aged 11 getting a paper round for a tenner a week and giving that straight to my mum to buy shopping or electricity with it.

My mum and dad both had an affair at different times, my mum blamed stress etc but my dad blamed me. He said that me living there with dd1 (I was 19, just had her, she was tiny and I needed my mums support) was the reason he needed to go elsewhere and why he cheated on my mum. I'll never forgive him for that. I had severe postnatal depression and nearly took my own life because I felt responsible and felt like I was in the way. I moved out a few weeks later into temp accommodation.

I hate confrontation and I won't stick up for myself. I'm a people pleaser and I fucking hate it. I always get the shit end of a deal because I can't speak up for myself and get terrified when someone raises thier voice at me. I'm fucked up.

I'm 29 now, 2 dds and not out out of a horrific abusive relationship. My exdp was a prick. It took me years to leave, womens aid are amazing.

None whatsoever.

It sounds lovely, but in reality, never seeing them argue/fight (which they most definitely did as they divorced when I was 11) meant I never really learned how to deal with conflict.

Was terrified of fighting with anyone for a long time and got myself into some pretty awful situations as I couldn't say 'no' for fear of causing an argument I wouldn't know how to handle.

I've got better at it in recent years but I'm still conflict avoidant to a fault.

Your mum sounds like mine was whev growing up.

African ethnicity....and shouty. I relate to the clothes being pulled out of the cupboards.

I think my gran was shouty too, but not when I met her.

My mum also had a hot temper .... but was and is very loving, very motherly and would do everything she could for us.

I don't shout at all. I hate noise like that and it isnt a good feeling.

I certainly never argue in front of the DC. We have disagreements in front of them ... but never raised voices and I certainly keep it light hearted.

I try and model a healthy relationship for them... because I've seen how it affects people in later life.

Lots. Mainly my mum arguing with my sister, and me comforting one of them crying afterwards, but a fair few arguments 'in the kitchen' between my mum and dad too (which offered absolutely zero sound protection).

My sister and her husband have quite shouty fights, but they both have the temperament for it. Neither my fiance or I do. We actually gave up on a verbal argument to have a nap once. We're much more interested in resolving the problem than arguing about it, so both pretty willing to back down and wind our necks in and be reasonable.

I don't shout in front of ds but I don't hide our disagreements either. I want him to know it's ok to disagree and that even if there is an argument, it doesn't have to involve raised voices and a solution can almost always be found.

I grew up with lots of shouting & arguing and I am amazed that my parents have stayed married. They were under a lot of finacial pressure during my childhood which didn't end until my dad went to work abroad. It was very upsetting and Christmas was always extra stressful.

DH and i never argue though we do disagree on things. I never want my kids to be exposed to what i went through

Lots. My parents were getting divorced on their honeymoon and that's been the pattern of their relationship. Screaming sometimes violent rows, ignoring each other and then making up before it all begins again. As a child, I saw my father almost bleed to death following a fight. My mum left us more than once. They'd throw things, scream, threaten. Dad would drink (he was in the military) and become terrifying (at least through my eyes as a child). I was happiest when he was on deployment or when mum left us because then at least there weren't any fights.