Did I screw up? Abuse, NC

[Lightmyway]

So, my parents saw my sibling as a golden child, I was emotionally abused from a young age, sexually assaulted as a teen.

I've been very, very low contact with my parents, especially mother, for some two or three years, and NC with brother for about a year. Parents threatened to cut me from will, told me I was no child of theirs, sibling sent some appalling nasty messages.

I broke down today, was one of their birthday and I was in the area. I saw both parents and I am so emotional right now, there has never been any acknowledgement from them of the abuse I suffered. So much is tied up in my music. I am severely disabled, Myasthenia Gravis, Myalgic Encephalopathy, Fibromyalgia, Central Sensitisation, Post .Cholecystectomy Syndrome, Heart Murmur, Tachycardia...

I fucked up by going didn't I? All over the place, no friends with being so disabled. Sorry for the rant, didn't know where else to go. Have NC for this...

Have you ever spoken to your sibling to find out if they thought they were a golden child? I did and it turned out my sibling thought I was the golden child.
Your parents and sibling may think that you have been nasty to them if they were telling their side.
I think all people need to be considerate in the things that they decide. No-one is so perfect. When you have as many illnesses as you do it may have better to keep in contact with your nearest relatives.
It could be that you mean that you were wrong to go over to the place where yur parents would be today and therefore caused yourself distress. Could you not have used the visit to say Hi and see how it went from there. Did you send a car to the birthday person?

Why would I want to be close to people who emotionally abused me for over 15 years? My (older) sibling was clearly the favoured child, financially, emotionally, physically.

I was the outcast, the unwanted child. I have an anaphylactic reaction to an antibiotic, discovered as a child, yet my 'rents never told me. So they got prescribed to me at 16, when I went alone to the docs. Ended up rushed to A&E with a major anaphylactic attack. One of the docs told me it was the worst reaction they'd ever seen.

Same with my heart murmur and tachycardia. Never said shit, both found on an ECG/Vitals check.

No, I've never spoken to my sibling about being the GC, and why would I want to someone who's called me "a fucking cunt who is no part of our family so fuck off forever"?

Nice to read a message that suggests I'm the one in the wrong potentially though, and I need to be close to abusive relatives. Should j be close to the bastard who sexually abused me in multiple ways? :(

One more thing, I don't trust men because of the sexual abuse, and I don't trust women because of my mother. How the hell do I resolve this? sigh

I'm sorry you've gone through this OP.

Have you spoken to anyone professional about this? I think it may help.

It's difficult because they are your parents but sometimes you have to put yourself first and if that means cutting ties for a while then that's what'll have to happen.

Maybe spend sometime looking after yourself, life's to short

Have you sought professional support regarding this and your disability? It sounds like you are having an incredibly hard time right now and could use a helping hand physically and emotionally.

You don't mention your dad at all. I know you say you are low contact with both but more so your mum. Do you feel in a position to possibly meet and chat to him?

Yes, I'm having some counselling arranged, likely Feb. The disabilities make life incredibly hard. My mother is a racist, narcissism, sexist, homophobic bitch, my father her backseat enabler. He's equally complicit because he enabled her to wage her war against me. His solution when I was a child was to buy me a £5 treat occasionally. Because that stops the psychological abuse, right....

Meh.

Mother won't stop calling now, even at 3am... think I really made a mistake here.

My Counsellor rang today, is setting up some urgent advanced meetings.

When you have as many illnesses as you do it may have better to keep in contact with your nearest relatives.

I sometimes wonder if I am reading the same thread as some respondents.

OP, it does appear in hindsight that it was a mistake, but it's understandable you made it. Who doesn't hope their family will come good for them? But as it turned out they are not prepared to forgive you for what they did to you (yes, that is all arse over tip!). So now you know. Good luck with the counselling.

I don’t think you screwed up. You tested the water to see if they had changed.

Now you know and possibly won’t bother testing again.

Block you mother if she is hasseling you, and good luck with counselling