Depressed after husband left me but then returned

[WasHappyNowSad]

Regular but NC as possibly outing ( he now knows I post here).

5 years ago my DH (then of 15 years, now 20 years), just up and left with no explanation. He was gone for 3 months and in that time I asked why and begged him to come home. He totally changed, was not the man I knew. I was beside myself. There wasn’t another women.

After I’ll health he came home. I allowed it. We got back together even though I still don’t know why he left. Things ave ticked on ok. He seemed to like me again.

I now sense he is irritated by me just for breathing. I’m ok but feel so sad and unwanted. I want to roll up and give up.

Maybe it’s time you left him or tell him he has to leave. You’re not a convenience and you deserve a bit of happy.

I’ve ploughed most my finances into the house, and I worry the children will take it badly. They did first time round.

Thanks gamer x

There was another woman OP. She has obviously rejected him so he's come home to you. That's why he is irritated with you, because he didn't want to be with you when he left.
There was another woman. All will come out in time. Sorry you're sad. He sounds a complete idiot.

He thought the grass was greener. It was not. He is now cross with you because the grass was not greener.

You took him back for conveniences sake hoping things would go back to when you were happy together.

How likely are you to be happy together in the future?

'He seemed to like me again' that sentence made me feel so sad for you OP. You deserve much more than him liking you......

Did he come after his ill health or your ill health?

Either way he came back for the wrong reason.

You need to emotionally detach... so that he matters less and less to you.

I’d say there was another woman and there may be one again. But either way you don’t have to stay in a relationship that’s making you unhappy.

You need to stop being passive OP.

You and only you are in control of your life. You 'allowed'him to move back. Why? Because it was what you desperately wanted? Or it was what he wanted?

I agree there was someone else. You were always Plan B, his Plan A didn't want him so he went back to you. He now resents you, because you're second best. This sounds harsh, but I can't see how it isn't true, because if he really wanted you, he would move mountains to reassure you that he loved you.

Have you actually talked to him and asked him why he left?

You sound sad but also resigned to this non marriage. That is your choice. You are currently choosing to be treated like this.

Finish it and move on would be my advice.

The other woman he went to rejected him or else he got sick of her. Either way you are his fall back option. I'd never let any man use me like like that. Sling him out of the house on his hole and find your anger. He's a cunt. Move on. Please.

the OW didn't want to look after him in ill health.

You sound complacent & making all the effort.
Personally I would tell him, its your turn, you would prefer to live alone visibly he doesn't "like" you, so Fuck Off.

The sad thing is that people treat you how you let them in this life. You're letting him treat you like a nuisance in his life.

You deserve so much more. Talk to him and say ‘if you aren’t happy we can work through it or just leave as this is unbearable’. It might be talking about it you can sort things out and he might have things on his mind which makes him distant rather than him not liking you.

What does he say when you ask him why he left? Irrespective of the fact you decided to let him move back in without telling you why he left... did he ever even tell you where he lived for that period?

Sorry OP but you are being naive. There was another woman.

Your happiness should not have to depend on whether this man wants or needs you. If you don't want to boot him out (I bloody would!) do something for yourself, take up a hobby or meet up with friends more. Don't just sit around looking and feeling sad. You do deserve to be happy!

Please, if you have kids, show them its not ok to be treated like crap

You are worth so much more x