Do I stay with him?

[Jmmmm]

Hello!

I am new to mumsnet (although not a parent!) but I wanted to join because it seems to have the most helpful 'community'.

So, my problem...

I am 23 and have been datibg a guy since February. Things got serious pretty quickly and by May I was moved in with him.

The first 2 months ish were great but he was messaging other girls, but I got past that because we was new in to the relationship. He wasn't meeting up with them, just messaging (not that it's ok). We always joked that we had the arguing at the start so we knew what the bad looked like.

Fast forward to now and I saw him messaging on his phone more often and always smiling at his phone. I saw he was messaging a girl who I have never heard of.

I asked him who she was, and he said it was a girl he works with on a project but they work for different companies and they've never met. They message all the time.

I went through his phone this morning because I was paranoid and he messaged her saying I can't stop thinking about your legs in that short skirt, you're gorgeous and they're planning to meet on Thursday.

On Friday he went out 'with work apparently' and got home about midnight even though he said he was going for one and he ignored me all night even though he always messages me back when he's with work. I think he was with her.

What do I do? Ignore it and not go through his phone? Or confront him?

I feel devastated and the thought of not being with him literally breaks my heart and I feel physically sick

Sorry for the long post!!!!

Run, very fast and never look back.

You deserve so much more than the way he’s treating you!

Dump him. Not worth the angst !

He isn't committed to your relationship. Ltb -
Since you're new that's Leave the bastard.

Thank you all. I know it's what I need to do! It's so frustrating because we had a serious conversation about our relationship last week and I give him plenty of opportunities to tell me if he doesn't want to be with me or let me know if he has any doubts and he didn't. He's such a coward xx

Leave. You are worth more than this

He didn’t say he didn’t want to be with you, as you are his safety net and he’s looking to see if there is anything better (or extra) around.
Look around here especially at “red flags” going too fast is a big red flag.
So don’t no him. Go out and have fun and don’t rush into anything. (And make lots of friends.)

Why would you stay with him? He's a cheat! Whether he has cheated or not is irrelevant since he wants to!

What on earth were you thinking moving in with such a new bf, especially one who was flirting (at the least) with others?

Tell him to get lost. One day soon when you have a lovely man you'll wonder what the hell you were doing with that twat. However if you stay with that twat, the lovely man will forever be elusive.

He's keeping you to hedge his bets

In this case LTB he's a cheat, also arguments soon into a relationship red flag, moving fast red flag

I know! I was reading today that 70/80% of men cheat in relationships. How do you even know when someone is right for you...
😒😒😒

He is a coward, you're exactly right

You know when you are sure enough not to question yourself or ask for advice.

Most of us have kissed a few frogs before finding our Prince. Your time will come, don't waste it on a frog.

He's a player ...run the other way. Most likely he will never change.. and y wont be the only woman he does it to. He's doing it right underneath your nose as well and he will probably never learn. You are still young, as painful as it is put it down to experience and find someone you can trust.. Take your time in your next relationship before you move in together ...to really get to know someone. Always trust your gut instinct -
it should serve you well for the future....best of luck

End it immediately

I’ve been married 11 years.. had kids ect and my husband has cheated on me and messaged other woman over the years but I’m stuck because we have kids don’t do the same as me and be saddled with a liar all your life.. your young.. run while you can before kids come along.. you can do so much better than a looser like him.

Oh, get shut of him. Waste of your time and energy by the sound of it. Don't you think you deserve better than this? I can guess that you do without even knowing you.

Move out. He wants to have his cake and eat it.
You'll feel bad now, but write it off to experience.

I know! I was reading today that 70/80% of men cheat in relationships. How do you even know when someone is right for you... 

😒😒😒

Yep!

Ok well let's just say the one you're with now is a wrong-un! You say that you have given him the opportunity of getting out of the relationship and he was keen to keep going. See you're thinking 'he loves me!' He's probably thinking 'it's great, I've got OP (you) at my beck and call and I can flirt outrageously with other women!' It's a win-win for him! If he loved you, you'd be his number 1 and he'd be texting you that shizz about how hot YOU were and not that other women!

As far as the stats for men cheating...I would NOT be surprised and after the 20 year relationship I've come out of, I just don't trust men anymore.

Oh dear... you should definitely walk away. Relationships are like drugs. The withdrawal symptoms will be painful, you'll cry and might even regret dumping him but after 2weeks of no contact the only thing you'll start to regret is the time you wasted with him.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I wouldn’t confront him just yet, I’d make all the arrangements to leave then once everything’s in place tell him you’re going and why, don’t let him make up any excuses or anything to try and get you to stay. He isn’t worth your time.

Dump.

You have no ties with this man. Simple pack your belongings when he is out of the house for a while. Leave a note in plain sight saying something along the lines of (depending if you want to tell him you've been through his phone) "saw X message, see you later pal" or if you don't want to let on you read the messages I'd fuck with his head and say something like "you can't have your cake and eat it, see you later sunshine" I'd be cocky but that's me 😂

And leave and NEVER look back.

The fact you've found out at this stage is BRILLIANT! Yes he might be a cheating scumbag and lead you down the wrong path but thank the lord you've not wasted years of your life and copious amounts of energy on him.

You'll get there in the end lovely, some people find it early in life some don't.

Life lesson you could take from this? And probably the blessing in disguise... Try and take your relationships slower in the future, people don't usually reveal their true self 5-12months into the relationship. If you don't learn this lesson you could again end up with a 'wrong'un' and be back at square one scratching your head wondering why you always end up with the wrong men.

Walk away dear OP. Make your own decisions - dont wait for him to decide - decide you shouldn't be treated like this. He's not worth one more minute.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond to me and help me with this. You've made me realise and I know it's for the best. Here's to a fresh beginning and a happier life xxx