I just don't know what to do.

[Feelingreallybad]

Please give me some advice.

Me and DP have been together for nearly 4 years now. We have 2 beautiful children. Since my DD was born a year ago I have found him more of a hinderance than anything else.

He is sweet and kind and loving. But he never does anything to help. The only time he'll help around the house is if we are having people round or if the place gets to messy for him.

We have lived in this house for 18months and still have no carpet down. We have just bought DD a cot. she was sleeping in a travel cot prior to this.

Like I have said he is a good guy, I'm just not sure I can live with his lazy attitude anymore. He keeps promising to do things and never does them. He has never changed a nappy because he says he has a phobia of Pooh!!

I really don't think it is healthy for me to stay with him. I feel so down all the time which makes me short with him and the kids. He never does anything with the kids either, or me for that matter.

I don't find him sexually attractive in the slightest. I know he finds me attractive but he says he has given up trying because I always knock him back. I don't think the way I feel will ever change in this regard.

I don't want to break up the family but sometimes I think it would be easier and happier around here if I had two kids instead of feeling like I was looking after three

does he know how much this is affecting you?

FRB, I have nothing to add to your post, but, just wanted to say, I know EXACTLY what you are going through and your post could have easily been written by me. (although dh did change nappies

frb have you any family or friends around or are you stuck at home with kids

We had an arguement about the way I have been acting a few weeks ago. I told him I wasn't in love with him and I could literally see his heart break. he promised he would change and that everything would get better. But how can it? If I am perfectly honest with myself, he has always been like this. My friends all saw this way before I did (don't they always. This is just the way he is. Doesn't make it any easier.

I know it sounds silly but I am also worried about what everyone else would say (friends, family etc). Because I am young and he is older I have a feeling I will be in for a few I told you so's. I am afraid of people saying that the whole thing was a mistake, I would just feel that they were calling my babies mistakes and I don't think I could take that

Thats what makes this harder, I know he loves me and is a good guy. But when it comes down to who gets to be happy in life... do you chose you or them?

Radley... Lucky you! lol

can you really not see a future with him ?

Not a progressive or a proactive future. I feel that if I stay with him we will always be here, just like this, nothing changing.

frb how are you?

I honestly think if he irritates you, doesn't respect your needs, ignores your requests for help, refuses to properly care for his children, doesn't attract you anymore and you're not in love with him then what is left? You say he is a nice guy...but hey..the world is full of them, doesn't mean you'd want to share your life and your bed with them does it?

It will be beter for the kids to grow up without a father figure living with them if it just makes you sad, depressed, bitter and resentful.

Good luck getting rid I say. ( I know it's harsh but I'm telling it how I read it).

Sorry, have to agree with Mumto3, you sound as if there is NO reason to be with him...in which case don't. You can't be responsible for his happiness, and certainly don't stay with him because of what other people will say. Life's short, do what makes you & you dc's happy

I'm never one to advocate leaving when there are children involved, until it is a last resort. Could you try Relate? It can be helpful in working out whether you really want to save a relationship or part, and even helpful in parting amicably if it does come to that. It sounds to me like you have both got so bogged down in everyday life that the spark has gone out completely. There may be ways to rekindle it - you were attracted to him once, after all. But it will take some serious work on both sides. The question is, whether you are both prepared to do that work.