We've been through a lot in recent years and I just think our marriage has taken a battering. We've 2 dc, one in nursery and one in school.
I think DH is emotionally abusive, not overtly abusive but I find him selfish and he says a lot of hurtful things. We've recently been approved a remortgage which has allowed us to tie a large sum of debt into our mortgage, freeing up our monthly outgoings significantly. He's recently started taking music lessons with one of our dc. (He's a lovely dad, I can't fault him there). He's now talking about spending £800-1500 on a brand new musical instrument. I don't feel comfortable spending this sum of money given our recent financial circumstances. I've tried to suggest alternatives- second hand, or saving up over a period of months. I actually don't think it's necessary at this level (complete beginner) to be splashing out, particularly when we need a new car and stuff doing around the house. His response was to become antagonistic. He said I lack ambition, won't invest in our dc. He then went on to say I'm moody, awful to live with etc. He said he'll be buying the instrument regardless of what I say.
Things have been strained for months. In recent weeks he's said I put hurdles in front of his career and that he can't cope with my 'resistance to change'. It's a joke, we recently relocated 100 miles so that, primarily, he could be closer to his elderly parent who's ill (another stressor on our marriage). I just get this horrible vibe from him that he sees me as an obstacle. I get no compliments, no time set aside just for me, but he still expects sex.
I said last night that I think we should separate. I tried to have a conversation about how we might be able to do it. He continued to tear shreds off me - I'm a bad mother, always snapping at the dc, bad wife, unpleasant to be around.
The thing is I am moody and I do snap at the kids. I'm often carrying a lot of resentment towards my DH. Earlier this year he insisted I be bringing more money in so I went back to work FT. Now he wants to change his career and was recently talking about making huge changes to our family income and routine just to suit his career aspirations. And because I say I'm not sure he says I put hurdles in his way.
Hurdles.
Lack of ambition.
Moody.
Unpleasant.
I won't take it any more. I'm a nice person and a good mum. I certainly have my moments but ultimately I'm a nice person. I find myself looking at houses on rightmove and thinking about how I'd cope with working and parenting as a single mum. I don't know what to do.