Waking up with a feeling of dread..

[EasyToEatTiger]

I am maxed out on anti-depressants, beta blockers and more and still I crawl into the day with a sense of dread.
My domestic situation is slowly changing and I am in the process of getting divorced. Of course it had to be my husband's idea and he has sneered and called me a coward bla bla when I have brought up the subect in the past. In truth, I think I have been afraid of him and not known where to turn and lived in denial. The fog is lifting and the horror unfolding. There are also times when I am really doubting myself that things were that bad.

Have you had some counselling or therapy?
Have Womens Aid helped you after then end of your abusive relationship?
If not then please do call them. They can help.
When the fog lifts it can often be worse then you face up to what really happened.
But it will get better.
Never ever doubt yourself!
You KNOW what happened and no-one else can tell you what that did to you or how it's affected you.
That is real.
It's your real.

No counselling so far. WA have been brilliant and seem to have settled down a bit. I spent a very long time going round the houses with nobody sure, apart from the IDVA who was doing what. The divorce is grinding along although I get the impression my husband is dragging his feet. The police are taking ages. The case is only now being forwarded to the higher orders to find out if there's enough for the CPS. I am being a very good Grey Rock. What will happen if they NFA it? When so few cases get passed to the CPS and even fewer get any further, it is a distinct, most likely outcome, statistically at least. It's horrible being in limbo. I don't know how my husband will react when he finds out about this. His rages are terrifying.

A quiet weekend. I told my husband to clean the bath as he uses it most and it was caked in dead skin and soap scum and I wanted a bath. I think he just glanced at it. He came down complining that he couldn't clean it because it was cheaphmm. WTF?! I have never known him to clean anything.