I have to finally accept he just doesn’t care and am devastated. OH, been together 5 years, both divorced, one child each. He’s always been a bit of a grumpy bastard and quite harsh on his kid (never really great with mine either but wouldn’t dare shout like he does with his own!)
I’ve always hated the way he bags them both-no let up for the poor souls. He never thinks to praise them or encourage them and just nags constantly about crappy inconsequential things that don’t matter much (leaving doors open, lights on etc). I’ve tried hard to tell him the kids need nurturing and encouraging and he says he’ll try harder, that it doesn’t come naturally etc and he has tried but is still a grumpy bastard. The kids wanted him us all to play a game together at the weekend for example and he couldn’t, he was ironing. Ffs. His relationship with them is practically nonexistent-his own child more so of course as he takes that one to sport twice a week etc but there have been times his child hasn’t wanted to come because he ‘always shouts’
I have tried so hard-showed him articles about raising kids etc etc etc and it gets slightly better then goes back to normal. My child doesn’t really chat to him about stuff now because experience has shown he’s not that interested really.
Last weekend it came to a head again and I told him this had to change or i’d go. He told me he’d do anything it took, would read up on stuff etc. Guess what? No change. I mentioned it again that night (big mistake-should just have gone!) and he went mad-I am crazy, a fucking idiot etc etc. He then spent 2 days totally ignoring me. I ignored him too because I was FUMING!! So today I flipped and we had a long text conversation (I know, but he’s so hard to actually talk to!) and he told me I was in the wrong, not just him. Did eventually apologise for the names and said again (!) he wants to try but ‘it’s not him’ and he finds it hard to be a parent-being loving and nurturing and praising etc doesn’t come naturally. He said he can’t just ignore the annoying things they do and believes in consistency. I asked what he’d changed since his promise at the weekend and he said ‘nothing’. I asked him did he feel he’s done enough to establish a positive relationship with the DC and he said no. I asked him why not, after all this time and he said it’s a gradual thing and won’t all come at once. I got really cross tonight and said i’m just trying to be an advocate for the kids when they can’t do it themselves. He said i’n Just using the children as an excuse to have a go at him. I flipped and said it’s over.
We’re supposed to be buying a house together. He owes money on credit cards (stuff we’ve both put on there but in his name) and I told him i’m not contributing to that (more out of anger but ffs if he’s going to be such a dick I have to leave, i’n Not going to make it easy for him!) and he said, wait for it, that he’ll get the money back in other ways then, like taking my DC’s contact lenses back from him which he paid for on the card. Wtf?!
He just doesn’t care does he? Me saying I was leaving made no difference-not a twitch from him. When I said about the money he went mad. He doesn’t give a shit about me or my child does he?
I need to accept this finally and get angry. I’ve been a walkover and treading on eggshells for too long. 
He is great in lots of ways-very loving to me, nothing is too much trouble, does loads around the house, very generous...but all that’s nothing if he won’t make an effort for the kids is it?