I'm horrible

[sumoslayer]

I'm pregnant and sick all the time with a 2.5 year old DS. I'm pretty useless at the moment and can't seem to prepare food, cook, clean without feeling dreadful so I keep having to ask DH to do the things I would usually be able to do.
I'm finding I have to keep reminding DH that I'm struggling with things, but I'm beginning to lose my temper with it all as I'm so fed up of being so needy and fed up of having to constantly ask DH to do things.
I'm struggling to get close to DH, particulalry if he's eaten garlic, onions etc I've even started crying during the night because I could smell onion so strongly and it was making me wretch.
I seem to be super sensitive to hormonal fluctuations and I just keep on getting teary, angry and stressed. I'm also struggling with DS for long periods on my own and find myself getting resentful of DH if he takes any time out to do a hobby etc. I am going stir crazy at home. I'm missing my friends as I'm stuck indoors and miserable whenever people come to visit and I'm basically taking it all out on DH.
I'm going stir crazy.
Help.

You’re not horrible, you’re knackered and struggling. Being pregnant is a whole rollercoaster of emotions and your DH should understand that.
It will pass and you’ll be normal again in a few months ... although you’ll have the challenge of a toddler and a newborn

Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’ll only make you feel worse.
Have you got anyone close by who can help and take the pressure off, especially during the morning sickness phase? Mum, friend, neighbour?
Just having an hour to yourself can make such a difference xx

Yes, you are horrible. But it's temporary and your DH knows this. It will get better.
Don't be too hard on yourself.

You are not horrible. Pregnancy is actual bloody torture. Him having to do more and avoid certain smells isn't much of a sacrifice by comparison is it?!

You aren’t horrible, but you are being a bit unreasonable - as it sounds like you’re well aware!

What stood out to me was how much you seem to miss your autonomy - being out about without your son, just being yourself, in your own body. How much childcare does your dh do? When is the last time you had a day just to do as you pleased, without childcare and housework to think about?

Jeez...I had forgotten all that!.

Getting major flashbacks!!

I feel shit for you OP!

Oh gosh, hand holding here - garlic was awful for me, it still turns my stomach now due to the flashbacks and my DD has just turned 2! Hand holding here - it’s temporary as others have said, when you’re feeling not so rough just point out to him you can’t control it when it’s happening.
I used to have to sit upstairs while DH ate, I could only eat sandwiches and cereal because smells were just too much for me. It’s rough but it will pass x

You're NOT horrible!
I had some really shitty pregnancies including hyperemesis & disability.
I barely slept at night, puked all the time hardly saw any friends as felt so ropey, exhausted and emotional.
You can not be perfect spouse when you feel this way. My exdh had to do everything for both of us and for dc1 when I was pregnant with dc2.
People told me how 'lucky' I was to have such a supportive husband. Fuck that, I was not 'lucky' it was the least he could do while I was feeling like I wanted to die.

You're not doing anything wrong, if your she was experiencing this he'd be the same.
Just remind him it's temporary. Please don't stress over it, low mood and anxiety now can manifest as post natal depression later on so just do what you have to do to feel safe and rested.
If he doesn't get it right every day just let it go over your head. Nobody is going to die if he gets it wrong.

I had HG with my pregnancies, at one point when I was about six months with ds1 I actually threatened dh with divorce over a subway sandwich. We can laugh about it now but at the time I was deadly serious.

You will get through this. It’s not PC to say that women are affected by hormones these days, sadly our biology didn’t get the memo.

Do you have a spare room you could sleep in for the duration of your pregnancy?
It's horrible that you have to lay next to him and cry because the smells are making you sick.
Could you ask him to avoid certain foods until the worst of this is over?

Ctually I would say that if someone is being ‘horrible’ it’s your DH.
Sorry but you are ILL. He should be stepping up and helping you do the cooking and hw etc etc wo you having to ask for it.
You shouldn’t be out into the position where you feel crap to ask for more help AGAIN.
That’s the whole point of marriage. That you know when things are hard (such as suffering from severe morning sickness/HG) then your spouse will have your back up.
And unfortunately he doesn’t.

Eg if eh knows that eating onions and garlic really sets all the nausea, wretching, why in earth is he eat8ng some in the even8ng?
And why is he going away for his hobbies, leaving you alone and I’ll at home when he should be stepping up and doing all the parent8ng during the weekend?

I think you need a word, a very strong word about his responsibilities as a parent and as a husband.

Personally, I would also stop trying to be superwoman and still do it all whilst being so unwell. An de just let him deal with cooking, cleaning, parenting whilst you rest in a quiet corner of the house.

Thanks all. I think the feeling ill/sick has improved over time but slowly morphed onto a depressive state. On days I'm feeling like I could manage more, I'm still curled up in a ball on the sofa feeling exhausted by everything.
I'm feeling easily criticised, judged and got at and wondering if this is a side effect of hormones rather than fact. It's amazing how easily you go stir crazy being cooped in the house day in day out with only DH for conversation.
In terms of help. No, not really. When I explain to people how rough I'm finding things, it's like nobody quite gets it. I'm missing my hobbies, my work, friends, my life bit I have no motivation for any of it.

What you are describing is how I felt when I was first diagnosed with ME (well actually I’m still struggling with that now several years on) and I agree with you. People don’t get it unless they’ve been ill themselves and got a feel of how it is to not be able to do any of what you did and enjoyed before.
It’s hard, really hard and you shouldnt be too hard on yourself for finding it hard.

I would though go and see your GP if you feel that it has morphed into a depressive state. It might be that you are now suffering more with AND rather than the effect of morning sickness/HG.

Regardless of whether it’s still the morning sickness or if this is a bit of AND, it’s worth remembering that IT WILL PASS. Because it’s so pregnancy related, it will go away eventually, even if it’s at the end of the (very long) 9 months. It will not be like this forever. That thought helped me when I had AND with dc2. (And tbf, having dc2 felt like a cloud suddenly lifted and everything became all rosy again. It was actually an amazing feeling!)

Thanks Trafalgar. Great to hear that things improved for you after the birth of DC2. Brings me some hope! Fingers crossed the cloud lifts for me too, I'm so worried about this morphing into PND xx

If you are getting some sort of depression it will ante natal depression, not post natal depression.
Ante natal depression typically just lifts as soon as the bay is born.
Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go and check with youR GP or get some support though.