does anyone else have competitive parents & pil?

[thegardener]

just wondered if anyone else has competitive parents & pil?

it feels like ours want to be the first to ask if they can babysit, buy something (1st pair of shoes, paddling pool), have the same ammount of time with 1st grandchild, more so with pil, they even tried to get in first telling me when they could look after ds before he was born (i assume if i changed my mind to go back to work)

i even feel edgy seeing my own mum when i do (occasionally during the week)in case they get wind of it & want to come round in the week & have their share too.

well if they all want to buy the first shoes etc let them all do it - doesn't mean anything to you if your DS has two pairs of his first shoes, but a lot to them! How nice that they all want to babysit, be involved ... my PILs live 10 mins away and i am lucky if they see DS once a week

have had a bit of experience of this

my parents are both re-married too, so that's 3 sets of grandparents all fighting for ds's time and to be the first to buy xyz....

but dh and I decided all we could do was to make the most of it!

we try to see them all fairly equally. but if we see one set of parents more than the others, we then call up and say, i know you haven't seen ds much this week so would you like to have him all to yourself on saturday for a couple of hours....
dh and I can then go for a drink, go to cinema, sleep, whatever!....

and if one set says 'can we buy him his first shoes' etc, and then another set seem to take offence, we just have to think up something else like, 'well, nobody has bought him a paddling pool yet'.... it's great for your negotiation and peace making skills!

have the same, but what gets me is that its more whingy than anything else. so PIL come up a few times a year, but get all stroppy because my mum comes up (doing a LONG drive, btw) every other weekend. They are retired, she isn't-but her grandkids are a big priority to her. She sees them more cos she puts the time in, whereas they don't, thats all there is to it.

my mum is also guilty of this-she thinks that cos she is down more, she should have more rights, bascially.

And ALL of them are fecking intrusive and ovrstep personal boundries. MIL goes through my feckin DRAWERS, fgs.

so yes, sympathy.

it sounds great if you want them to babysit but we're quite happy staying at home.

as for buying 1st pair of shoes etc thats something dh & i really want to buy but instead we have asked them if they could buy ds some clothes for the summer instead.

we generally see them the same ammount of time with the exception of me going to see my mum with ds occasionally in the week, but feel that if it is mentioned to pil they will want to call round and have their share aswell, which is great if you get along well with them but they have been very difficult in the past so would rather see them when dh is there too.

fillyjonk you have my sympathy too, it is difficult with your parents too as my mum was a bit similar to yours until i started seeing less of her, then my sister started joining in with her demands, even though we see her & dh regularly, she just wanted to turn up when it suited her or expect me to change plans to suit her at short notice.

ah, yours sounds much more difficult than our situation. particularly if you actually want to do these things yourself and the parents are interfering. it doesn't become helpful then, more like a chore fitting in seeing everyone when all you probably want to do is stay in and enjoy being a family.

not sure what to suggest other than not to give in to them. it's your family, your child, your life. you shouldn't have to consider a chain of people every time you buy something new or see your mum for an hour!

fwiw i see my mum a lot more than my dad and dh's parents. it's generally the way things are, especially if you're close to your mum. PIL sound like a bit of a nightmare to me! don't blame you for wanting dh there.

stick to your guns. it's your baby and your life. don't let it get you down. (easier said than done I know!)

and remember that you'll hopefully have lots of willing babysitters to make the most of as and when you want them

thanks for your support mylittlestar, it's been really helpful.

i've arranged for my mum to call in for a coffee this week and feel no pressure doing so.

i'm sure too when the time comes and dh & i want to go out on our own, the babysitter's will be made use of!