Help..... been offered a new start.....

[Mumoftwoboys31]

Hi, I really need some help. I am married and have been for 11years, I have two small children. Things have been tough between my husband and I for the past year or so, ultimately leading to blazing rows and a lot of nasty words. Long story short, through the powers of Facebook I started chatting to an old school friend who moved to the US when we were both still at school, we seem to have a great rapport and I love talking to him. He knows about my problems at all. Yesterday he said to me that he could offer me a way out, a one way ticket to the states for me and my boys, if I want it.... now I can’t stop thinking about him and what he has said. I want so much more than what I have but I have to think about my boys. Help please!! Thanks x

So, what do you think you’ll do now?

You really can’t just get a job as a nurse in America.

I’m a nurse by profession so wouldn’t be relying on anyone’s charity

Do you know for sure your qualifications over here are acceptable over there?? You could end up having to do years of study to get whatever you need to be employable over there.

I’m a nurse by profession so wouldn’t be relying on anyone’s charity...

You still can't arrive in the US on a one way ticket and no work visa and apply for a job, you wouldn't even get past immigration at the airport

Absolutely crazy idea

And if your H is abusive to the point that SS have concerns about your dc, why the fuck are you having secret conversations with random blokes and planning to disappear ?

I imagine if your H finds out you will all be in terrible danger

Use your energy to safely leave him with professional help and then indulge these impossible romantic fantasies if you must

LTB, but stay in the UK. SS getting involved because of a counsellor suggests he is a significant threat to the safety of your children. Leave, run, whatever it takes, but keep them and yourself safe.

In respect of the USA:
How can I immigrate as a nurse to the United States?

First, you have to have arranged employment; that is, some hospital or healthcare facility must be willing to offer you a job as a RN. Second, as a practical matter, the facility must understand that they will have to wait at least a year before they will be able to obtain your services. Beginning the process to file for permanent residence does not authorize one to work in the United States, unless they fit within one of the previously mentioned nonimmigrant categories. Therefore, most nurses must wait outside the United States until the immigrant processing has been completed. Most employers do not want to wait a year before they can hire a RN. However, some hospitals and facilities, recognizing that they continue to have the chronic shortage of RNs are doing some forward thinking planning and concluding that while they need nurses immediately, they will still have a need for nurses at least a year from now and are willing to begin the process for permanent residence for qualified RNs.

Your present situation is awful and hard, so no wonder you're escaping into fantasy with this chap. But you have to wake up.

You have to face reality for the sake of your dc and do the hard thing of getting yourself and them out, and protecting them. (Protecting them is not running away with them to live with a stranger in the US!) There is genuine support you can use to get out.

The solution to a man problem is never another man.

If your children are at risk to the extent that SS are involved you have a serious problem, and banned a serious, safe and SECURE solution.

Make a plan OP. You need to leave your abusive unhappy marriage. Do that and you will probably find that your life and happiness immediately improve to the point where you don’t need to consider mad situations involving a man you haven’t set eyes on in decades.

Make a plan; your happiness is in your own hands and with a good job you have a great start to your independence.

Need, not ‘banned’

Wind your neck in, woman.

It's just words, like when people say if I won lotto I'd give you half, or I've had enough of this lets get a one way ticket to the moon

This man has no intention of giving you a plane ticket

Sort your life out here first

Taking the emotional side out of this. You can't just rock up in the states with kids and start work. You would need to marry him before you could even get the right visa to stay there. You couldn't take your children without the fathers written permission and even then would have to commit to X amount of contact through the year at great expense and inconvenience to you, not him.

Finally there are the nursing registration hurdles to get through.

You and your friend are being ridiculously naive.

This is a bonkers plan. You can't take the kids abroad without their fathers permission. Can you work in USA, how would you cover health care, housing, food etc.
Can you manage with no friends or family
Green card, visas
There are better ways to get a divorce

Grow up. And before anyone says give the OP a break, of course she's going to say she's in an abusive relationship to justify the fact she's currently having an emotional affair. If this was a man there is no chance he would be being given a break for planning to abduct his children to the US.

Now, affairs are not black and white, and of course it is possible that this relationship is abusive. But having an affair and planning to run away is not the answer, not least because by doing so the OP might as well hand her children to the husband on a plate given she'll be breaking the law.

And if he divorces her for adultery it will not matter whether he was abusive or not. Those close to him, close to her will just see her affair as the betrayal, anything that went before will be forgotten, you only have to look at other threads on here to know that. If you have an affair and end the relationship, no matter how abusive that relationship might have been, you will lose your perceived entitlement to support on the part of anyone.

So, if this is an unhappy marriage, talking to someone on FB has been your wake up call to the fact that there is better out there. But some bloke in the US is not it, but it is out there, now you need to end your marriage and go about making a better life for yourself in the right way, and do the best by your children.

Lover: RTFT.

No way - you don’t really know this person and who he is and would even consider
Moving to the other side of the world and introduce your boys to a complete stranger?

I’m sorry that you are having a tough time but there has to be a better way to deal with this. Also I assume your oh is he father of your children. How do you think he would feel about taking them away and of course how are they going to feel?

I know someone in my family who did something similar and to this day we all still feel a bit resentful about the move as they didn’t know the guy well at all and as it turned out he was a prize piece of shit. They were just using them as a way out.

Don’t do that to your children and to other people that love them especially their dad