Questions from a former OM - Part 2

[oscareyeballs]

Hi MNers,

I need some words of wisdom again. This is related to my first ever post here - (warning - long read). I didn't want to dig out an old post as that's not the main issue.

The really short version if you don't want to read is I was seeing a married woman (we met through work), she ended it, then through various means (facebook, email at work, texting mutual friends) she's tried to get back in touch.

I've ignored all the attempts of contact over the years mainly cos she really messed me about and hurt me and I would find it difficult to be friends or in contact with her.

However, over the weekend she messaged a friend of mine via FB and asked my friend if they thought it's ok for her to get in touch with me. They know of each other but aren't friends with each other, my friend forwarded me a screenshot but feels a bit awkward for being messaged and rightly so. I don't know if her health is at risk again, she had a brain tumour just after we finished so I feel for her if it is and that's why she wants to get in touch but it's been 6 years!

Every time I think it's quiet, somehow, someway, she appears out of the blue and just stirs up the past. Short of getting a bunny and a large pot, I don't know what to do. Is a restraining order going too far???

How nasty of her! She wants to have you in love with her but doesn't want you.

I'd message her and tell you have no desire to hear from her again and if she tries to contact you again, you'll tell her husband about your affair .

Is she still married?
If so then the PP has it spot on.
'Leave me alone or I'll tell your husband about our affair'

Wow! I would tell your friends not to pass on any messages. She didn't choose to be with you. She has used you. She is not a nice person. You have to get to the point in your life where you give zero fucks about her.
Do not engage

Don't respond at all.

You will be showing her that the way to get you to reply is to contact a mate.

Stay NC.

I’d be clear and let her know in no uncertain terms that you don’t want any contact with her. If she tries after that, get advice from the police.

That’s what I’d be advising a woman to do if an Ex wouldn’t leave her alone.

Cricrichan I never thought of it like that, makes total sense about her craziness

Hellsbellsmelons I don't know, I assume so. I don't talk to mutual friends as much anymore as I prefer to let sleeping dogs lie so I haven't tried to find out.

Stalking you and trying to suck you back in. If she's still married what's the point - you're just an easy diversion for her. She's been with you already knows how to push your buttons. Easier to be back with you than find someone new. She is missing the "extras" that spiced up her marriage - ie, you on the side.
Do what pp's have said - send message via your friend that she's to leave you alone and if she doesn't, her husband will be told

We all make mistakes. You've been there, and the affair is finished. There's zero need to compound mistake and make yourself feel worse in the process - you will be used by her, that's all. Whats the point?Tell her to get lost.

As hard as it is I wouldn't reply.
Trust me I speak from experience.... once they keep coming back the memories reappear and feelings too....
it's very hard not to I understand that but for your own sanity just ignore.
It took me a long time to do this.
You need to make sure you're not their at her beck and call whenever she feels the need to revisit you.
She will be used to getting her own way and you dropping everything as and when it suits her.
You deserve better.... as do I.
We all make mistakes... I regret mine massively.
Stay strong... pm if you need any support x

Thanks for the responses.

I feel guilty that my friends are being sucked into her desperate need for a reaction which is why I thought I need to say something.

I closed down all means of direct communication years ago and I didn't want to do something drastic like tell her husband or the police but feel this is the only card I have left.

It makes a great story for a movie but not in real life.

Don't respond.

Keep her and the drama out of your life