affair, yo-yoing partner, trial seperation, is this the end?

[qwertyuiop17]

hi, just looking for some words of wisdom really. Found out my wife has been having an affair back in September, but it had barely got going, only had sex a few times. For the next few weeks wife was finding it impossible to decide what to do, and went to see him a few more times. She then tried to make it work with me for a few weeks, but ended up seeing him again and then telling me it was over between me and her. The first time she said this, within an hour she was crying saying she couldn't go through with it (the leaving), so we were back in limbo. This happened again about 2 weeks later, she saying she was leaving and then by the evening changing her mind. This limbo led me to suggest that we trial separate but in our house. (We have 2 small kids 6 and 3 so don't want to let them know yet). As soon as I suggested it I realised that really all it would be is a way for her to phase her self out of the marriage. The trial was due to start today (Monday), so last night was our last night 'together' (perhaps stupidly we have been in the same bed the whole time, (but not having sex) because despite it all we still feel a lot for each other, and tell each other we love each other etc....) So Sunday night she again says "I can't do it.." (meaning leave me). So I wake up today thinking maybe there is a glimmer of hope.. as today is her 'night off' and I'm putting kids to bed she is free to do whatever. After last night I had hoped she might choose to stay in, but no, she's gone straight to him. Do I just need to accept that it's over? I don't want it to be and feel like we could work things out, but the way she's changing her mind is killing me, and each time it happens I feel like I can't go through it again. I should add that the reason she feels it happened is because even though we have had sex regularly through our marriage (been together since 18) she, for a long time hasn't really wanted to, or felt like it, but has done anyway. And I know there is some truth to it, and we should have talked about it a long time ago, but somehow we both just let it go on unchecked. On the other hand, she would say that she has been otherwise happy the whole time and we've had a great life together, get on so well, parent well together etc... I feel like there is so much worth fighting for, not least for the kids, but I know that ultimately she's free to go and free to do whatever she wants. Just don't know how to deal with this being the end I guess.

[caffelatte100]

She is not sorry, she should be full of remorse at this stage should it be working out again between you. Yes, she's keeping you on the back burner as option two. That's not nice. Sorry this is happening to you. Very selfish.

[SandyY2K]

You need to read 'No more Mr. Nice by Robert Glover.

[qwertyuiop17]

Yeh you're all right, I need to just get on with separating, and disengage from all the flip flopping, if she's not begging to come back and full of remorse then f**k it. Shame for the boys but that's not on me. Cheers everyone