I want my sons to be friends

[Nosocksevermatchup]

Two sons, 19 and 21. Younger son came back from uni for the weekend. They had a terrible row after the three of us had gone out for a meal. Up to that point they'd been getting on really well - they have posts in common, just different personalities.
The row was nasty and upsetting. I try to help diffuse it but they say I take sides or do nothing to help...I can't win. One wring word said by one of them is taken the wrong way by the other one and then they start.
Younger son has said he doesn't want to come home from uni if his brother is going to be over sensitive and argue. Both blame each other.
They've always argued but it feels worse now they're older. It's a shame as when they get on they are great together.
I'm already dreading Xmas.
I'm just looking for suggestions on what I can do to bring them back together and stop the upset. It really upsets us all.

I don't think there is much you can do now that they're both adults. Its very difficult but I don't think you can helpfully intervene in their relationship

what shox said.

Maybe they need to grow apart for a few years and then they can re-establish a relationship.

If you do invite them both over, keep it short. The longer they're together, the more chance of an argument.

Thank you both for your replies. I think you're right, I'll just try to keep any time together short and then see what happens as time goes on.

You're welcome

I think also be careful not to be seen to be siding with either of them. Hope its all ok

I would tell them fight away but not in your house. Tell them it destroys your peace and you want a nice home. Tell them it has to stop when you are around as its not fair to you. They are old enough now to pull back.

Excellent advice from June. I feel for you in this situation but like others said there is little you can do and hopefully they will get on much better in the future

I have had this.. it's horrible. You have to tell them both that you will not tolerate arguing and fighting in your house. It will blow over in time, but they have to sort it out for themselves. It is horrible to be stuck in the middle of these things and be powerless, but you need to set ground rules for your home.