Masterbating while I'm downstairs with the kids?!

[User446688]

Hi just to everyone mums and dads to get advice because sometimes I feel I am so used to his behaviour I don’t know what’s acceptable and what isn’t.

So I’ve been with the kids (5 month old & 5year old) and both have been up with bad coughs through the night (I see to them). He was at work all day. Comes in goes upstairs shaves and goes in the shower....still waiting downstairs for him to spend some time with the kids. I take the kids upstairs to put them to bed walk in his naked about to masterbate I walk back out (awkward) and go in my sons room to read books. He comes in to say hello to the baby goes back to the room to finish himself off....

I just feel uncomfortable like wait until the kids are in bed? Or do it in the shower? Advice please? I just feel his a bit of a narcissist and because he goes out and works all day he can do what the hell he wants.

@NotTheFordType this was our bedroom, I took the kids in to say hello before they went to bed....

@WeAllHaveWings yes that is also my opinion. Like it’s hard as I just wanted him to feel he wanted to spend time with them before bed, he could wank all he wanted after that. It just put a bit of distance and I’m probably over thinking it but to go back and finish off after you could spend time with them annoyed me. But I suppose in this world he is a man so men should be mollycoddled it seems. I’m trying to learn what is acceptable and I’m trying to learn to support my partner but it’s hard!

Grim but I’m sceptical.

Does he have times and locations that he is allowed to wank. I ask because there are other threads where limits and locations are placed on men and wanking. I know a lot of women seem to have a fetish about wanking in the bathroom but its not the most comfortable of places. So in his bedroom and alone might have been when it was allowed. Certainly with a 5 year old the rest of the house is out of bounds. And many women find men wanking later on in bed when they are also in bed a bad thing too.

Spending time with children is a different issue entirely. Does he do it enough at other times or was today just another day when he didnt do anything with them and see them. If he barely sees them then that is a much bigger issue than when or where he has a wank.

Seriously? Women are ok with their partners wanking whilst they are in bed with them?(assuming they are trying to sleep)

HashtagTired - there was a thread a wee while ago from a woman who was unhappy at her partner having a wank in bed in the morning which woke her up. Whilst there was near universal annoyance at the waking up part there were some women who were not unhappy with the actual wanking part. There was an additional layer of concern because she had asked him not to do that previously. Of course, the women who had pleasured themselves whilst their partners were sleeping were not similarly condemned.

So your kids were with you and saw him naked and about to masturbate? If this is true that's pretty grim

Scottishdiem - wow. Thanks for the context.

I’ve read your posting history. He’s not going to get any better. From what I can gather he’s a narc, who talks to you like dirt, who plays mind games and uses his physical strength to his advantage. He also needs meds’ but doesn’t always take them.

What part of that makes him a good role model? Why are you expecting anything else from him? Once again he’s putting his needs first and he’s telling you loud and clear that he doesn’t care who knows or sees him doing just what he wants.

So he came in sexually aroused and said night to his children then went back to finish himself off

I'd be having strong words with him mumsnet makes excuses its his right and all that shit to wank but ultimately it's your children's right to have a safe happy childhood without having a useless tosser who puts himself first.

User, I've just read your other posts and I'm speechless . In them you're basically asking 'is it me?' after you've described his behaviour. No, it's not you, it's him! Looks like he has Gaslighted you and you don't know which way is up anymore. I suppose you need to ask yourself how you'd feel if you saw your kids partners talking to them the way your partner talks to you? Say if they called your DC a 'dog' like you mention in one of those posts? I'd Google Codependency and Abuse and look at the Woman's Aid website.?

Without looking at ops other threads I don’t get the fuss of him wanking? Not helping with the children sure, but he came in had a shower was in his room alone and was about to have a wank, got interrupted made sure kids were in bed and then had one.so he was naked? What’s the issue?

So now his children aren’t safe as they saw him naked? Aren’t parents meant to promote healthy normal bodies? I’ve seen some say they walk around naked with teens but loads more at 7/8.

There’s no way a woman being caught would be accused of not providing their DC with a “ safe happy childhood”

Hell the amount of times women have posted about getting caught having sex, trying to find a way to have sex when their room isn’t an option ( sometimes the living room is mentioned) thebcountless “ oh my DC found my dildo/vibrator and was playing with it/ I left it on the sink ” threads which are seen as hilarious and just embarrassing that’s all fine, as is a woman choosing to walk around her house ( for example bathroom to bedroom ) naked around her young children,but a man dares be walked in on in his bedroom naked and suddenly he’s a massive threat and not providing a safe and happy childhood for his children!

Getting caught is pure by accident, when a child just bursts into bedroom. OP actually took children to the bedroom, you think seeing a semi erect cock or erect with pornhub on his phone is healthy bodies don't think for a second he was wanking to the celling lights. I worry with what people make excuses for oh he got caught, oh its just a wank NO children are seeing this, hearing this, feel the tension get a fucking grip social workers be all over this shit with worry

frustratedteddylamp not once have I posted on any threads making light of a child finding a dildo, not once!! So if your gonna pick apart my opinion at least make your responses factual

Healthy bodies? Wanking or having sex in front if children is healthy? Think you need to get off mumsnet if this is the opinion you have. Healthy bodies us telling your child that they are beautiful people come in all shapes and sizes not daddy waving his cock around the house.

Yes safe environment far from it if his children are ill, his priority is spunking over himself instead of parenting first and for most, and yes reading previous posts seems I've got a point he's a waste of space.

A lot of men are really selfish and sort themselves out before being available to ‘help ’ with kids in my experience
Set some rules, he comes through the door and it’s s shared responsibility and other things like showering (etc ....) can wait!!
Both me and my DH work but I can tell when I get home he’s ready to just do what he wants to do so I give him stuff to do like he baths the kids whilst I make dinner, we read together with the kids, or one takes a child to their after school activities whilst the other looks after the other child and cooks etc

So it’s the mans fault that OP burst into the bedroom with the kids, when there was a reasonable chance he’d be naked anyway having been in the shower? Also we don’t know if he had pornhub on or if he was even erect, unless I’m missing something.

Annoyed I didn’t say you or anyone in particular but search MN and you’ll find all those threads about dildos in all their “hilarity”

Also I didn’t say wanking or having sex in front of children was healthy did I? Talk about putting words in someone’s mouth. What I actually said is I’ve seen it be suggested having sex in the front room which is a lot less private, and that people have spoken about walking around the house naked with children in their teens. OP said he was naked in a room by himself until she burst in with the DC and he was “ getting ready to wank” I don’t Class that as him waving his cock around the house, we don’t even know if he was erect or just laying on the bed naked. Which if people are ok walking around the house naked ( I’m not personally for what it’s worth) there’s no difference except he didn’t actually want to be naked in front of anybody he was in his bedroom.

not ideal think he properly got horny in shower then went to finish off . On the plus side you must have a very comfortable,open and good relationship for him do this sounds strange but how many couples would not talk about this or if he was caught there would be a big stand off .Make a joke of it when he comes in from work ask him if he wants his tea b4 or after his wank .The other thing is if he had the raging horny and came down stairs pestering you for sex as soon as kids in bed how would that of gone down .

Who would be in the mood for a wank with noisey dc still up?. If he hadn't said goodnight then he knew they were still awake! So the chance of being seen was there - not very responsible imo.

Ffs he can wank as much as he likes but not when he knows the dc are still up and pottering about.

He’s literally, a selfish wanker!

Op I haven’t read your other threads but by what others have said please get some help and advice on how to leave this nasty man.