Sick of him...lazy arse husband

[1981Thisman]

Ok, He works full time and brings home good money.

BUT THAT IS ALL!

For years and years I've been begging for some social planning, day trip planning, any bloody planning but everything's falls to me, I do everything with the 4 kids plus work and I'm so so tired of it.

Any public holiday, celebration, etc nothing is ever his suggestion, his idea, his doing - his excuse is " I don't know where to look" He has an expensive smart phone with Google!!!! He works with other Fathers, Husbands, he can read, write, drive so it's not good enough.

My marriage is so cold and lonely, I'm just existing, it's like residing with an unwanted flat mate, he enjoys the kids and truly loves them but as a family man he needs to do more.

No sex, no comfort, no emotion, no romance .

I'm an attractive lady with a beautiful heart and I bloody deserve more. I'm not short of attention from outsiders but I'm married and I will not go there but I'm so fed up now it hurts.

I go through this with him so often, he appears to listen but nothing ever changes, he may suggested a trip to the park once. ( Wonderful)

I'm sat upstairs listing to the fireworks, feeling upset that my children had nothing planned for them over the weekend by him whilst I was at work.

Their birthdays, Christmas, school events he inputs nothing. I've been married 15 years and he has never surprised me with anything :(

Yes, he is loyal, good morals, and all round decent but it's just not enough as a lover or family man.

BTW : Sex is about 3-4 times a year...always initiated by me!

Sorry for the rant but I feel somewhat better.

My STBXH was like this, no inclination to do anything with me/them although he did provide financially. I got tired of being a parent to him! The rare occasions he had the DC on his own, he took them to his mothers... Least amount of effort. Since he dumped me, he has them EOW and is a Disney Dad but never bothers in the week, so he sees them 52 times a year and not even that because he doesn't always spend his full weekend with them.

Since Dday, I've had a lot of time to think and I have come to the conclusion that he wished he hadn't married me, that his heart hadn't really been in it and the issues I could see were a symptom of his unhappiness but he tried to do the right thing? So when the kids got to a certain age he bolted for the door.

I feel awful that I kept making excuses for his behaviour and put up with a loveless marriage and half hearted effort on his behalf. I feel sorry for the DC because they saw me always stepping in minimising his behaviour, tbh looking back it's a shit sandwich and I'm left scarred. I don't trust my own instincts and feel as though I am too understanding at the cost of my own sanity.