Long story short is that me and dh have split. 2 weeks ago but living in the same house, due to money. Dh has been emotional and sexually abusive.
The marriage has to be over. Despite his counselling, i cant move on from the past. He thinks I may have cheated. I havent. He thinks I am probably seeing someone now. I am not.
I wish I was seeing someone else. Not because there is someone I want to go out with. But because I am so lonely. My friends have been great but they have their own lives, kids, partners.
We have kids, which is whats getting me through. I also work which is giving me some focus. But i feel over whelmingly lonely. I am mid 30s, a bit over weight, not attractive, not particularly interesting. Have a stupid amount of issues, due to the marriage. I think i will be alone a long time if not forever. I wont get married again etc. I feel like someone has poured lead into my stomach and cant eat. Barely sleep, gone from almost tee total, to drinking a few glasses of wine at night. The pain in my stomach and chest is like a physical pain.
Wierd thing is i think time on my own is what i need. I dont want to be in love or anything. But after 17 years of marriage, the thought of being alone forever its so scary. The thought of living alone is scary.
I am just so scared. A grown woman, terrified. I am on the sofa. Alone. No one to help me feel safe. Please tell me its gets better, that i can do this.