Frequent online contact but little attention in RL

[Greencan]

This is doing my head in!

Someone I know messages me all the time - last week it was every day, often a number of times in a day, and we had long online conversations. Then finally spent time together in a social group after not having seen each other for a week, and he paid me very little attention - spent much of it messaging on his phone, leaving the room for long periods of times for a smoke etc. I tried to gravitate to him a little for a proper chat, but his attention was always clearly elsewhere.

I find it really hurtful and confusing.

Can anyone offer any insights?

You are being played. I would also suspect you are not the only 'online friendship' this person has.
He sounds like someone who prefers a screen to real life - it's a modern day illness and endemic.
I'd reccomend you front up to them about it and try and get a straight answer.
If it's someone you would genuinely like a IRL relationship with, you'll know where you stand and be able to move on otherwise.

I don't understand though - why do some people prefer the screen to real life? Could social anxiety have something to do with it, or is it just old fashioned being played?

He's not into you, sorry.
I'd ignore his messages like he ignored you! What a game playing dickhead

Are you reading too much into the messages?

I think a lot of people lead their lives like this. That's why they are permanently on their phones. They would prefer an online interaction to a real life one and are probably talking to lots of people in a similar way.

Also I had a short relationship with a smoker and he was always leaving the room, even in the middle of a meal. I couldn't stand it.

Hmmm.

Naze it's not the messages per se but the sheer frequency - all the time, chatty messages about all sorts of things, most evenings last week and every day during the day. A couple of the conversations were pretty intense as well (talking about exes etc) so I was really looking forward to some RL contact almost as a way to diffuse the intensity.

Even that same day he's started about three separate conversations including initiating the social thing which makes it even more confusing.

I've asked him if he want to catch up properly on Sunday anyway (and know he is free)- if that doesn't happen I guess I'll just have to take the hint and move on. He hasn't replied yet.

Jeez this is hard though.

Thing is I’m not after a romantic relationship but we are - I thought - close friends. But this also comes after a few last minute cancellations from him also, and being left alone in social situations as he hits on girls. He tells me I’m a great friend but then ignores me for his phone.

It’s not right is it?

I seriously think some people are addicted to actual 'notifications' .. it's not the first time I've heard of this Text/RL behaviour OP

It is possible that he's shy or socially anxious? Face to face contact may be difficult?? Just a thought...

He is definitely anxious - we’ve spoken of it before. But it didn’t used to be like this, that’s how we became friends in the first place. It’s like the closer we’ve become the more he can ignore me

Sounds like he likes you for amusement on his terms and is a low grade arsehole.

low grade asshole

I do wonder.

Anyway he saw my message about catching up tomorrow about three hours ago and has not replied in spite of being online lots since then. It wasn’t an out of the blue request from me either - we had talked about doing something on Sunday.

Is it melodramatic to make his response to this the final straw?

Beat him at his own game... remove your 'last seen' for 24 hours... and ignore him ...