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Original poster

Should SAHMs be entitled to half the house if they split up?

90 replies

iwouldgoouttonight · 14/04/2007 20:32

A male friend of mine is buying a house with his partner and because she is mainly a SAHM (she works a few hours a week in PT job) he is putting down the deposit and paying the mortgage. He wants them to draw up a legal agreement before buying the house to say that if they split up she won't get the house because she hasn't paid anything towards it. She will just get half of any equity if the house goes up in value. She's obviously not happy about this partly because even though she doesn't provide money she's still contributing to the family, and partly because it seems as though he's expecting them to split up! If she wasn't there he probably wouldn't be able to afford the house because he'd have to pay for childcare.

I can see his point of view as well - he has lived with someone before and when they split up he did lose a lot of money so he's worried about it happening again. Also he said his partner spends the little money she earns on herself rather than on their child or the house.

They can't reach an agreement - he keeps asking me for advice but because I can see where they're both coming from I don't really know whether there is any answer or compromise. I just wondered what anyone else thinks?

OP posts:
Original poster
iwouldgoouttonight · 14/04/2007 21:01

Thank you for your very speedy replies! I think I have been trying too hard to try and see his point of view because I work with him and he talks about it a lot recently! The other person in our office (another man!) agrees with him so I think my judgement was getting clouded. But I'm really glad everyone has been so honest - I agree, he is being a selfish t**t! I've no idea how I can try and talk him round (might show him this thread). I've not actually met his partner so I only hear his side of things - can understand why there have apparently been a lot of heated arguements!

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 14/04/2007 21:03

That's fine.
As long as he pays her the going rate for childcare, which she can then save.

Was this child planned? Is this how they want to raise their family - like some kind of business relationship?

Original poster
iwouldgoouttonight · 14/04/2007 21:03

The child is theirs not just hers. At the minute they live in his house - he owned it before they met.

OP posts:
chocolateface · 14/04/2007 21:06

Could they also draw up an agreement that if they split up he has no access to their child?

harman · 14/04/2007 21:10

Message withdrawn

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 21:10

I do think that it's reasonable to try to safeguard some of his own assets. If she brought nothing material into the relationship then why should she take what is his?

It's her own fault if she has nothing to start off with. Don't get women that go into relationships with nothing & expect to walk out with loads!

Greenleeves · 14/04/2007 21:11

God, other people's lives are so strange sometimes.

I don't know how people can have this cold, detached attitude towards their relationship and family life, and then rub along day-to-day, having breakfast together and enjoying the kids and bickering and just being together in all the 10001 little ways. I just don't 'get' how that works.

But that is probably because our family life is founded on the fact that we are a pair of complete muppets

He does sound like a selfish nob though, objectively speaking.

SoupDragon · 14/04/2007 21:17

"It's her own fault if she has nothing to start off with" WTF??!! She's at home looking after THIER CHILD!

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 21:21

Yeah but what did she do before that? Or did they just have the child first and then decide to do it?

I'm looking after my ex-OH's child but don't expect him to pay for our living arrangements. He pays her money for her future. I deal with the rest.

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 21:22

I do feel that a lot of this post is from SAHMs who realise if their OH decided this in the case of their split up then they would be screwed!

ScoobyDooooo · 14/04/2007 21:22

Harman - were you rickman? (sorry for hijack)

chocolateface · 14/04/2007 21:22

If they're not married, but her name is on the morgage, surely she is entitled the 1/2 the house?

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 21:23

What would happen if he died & had no life insurance policy? OK she'd get the house & all it's contents depending on his will as they aren't married, but how would she pay for it?

Everyone needs to think about the future & even the worst case scenario & I don't think many people do.

Twiglett · 14/04/2007 21:47

Dear Blondilocks

Actually I put 90K deposit into the house we live in atm and DH put in zero

so you can take your patronising twaddle about SAHMs and why they're posting their views on this thread and shove it where the sun don't shine

bubblymummy · 14/04/2007 22:07

Twiglet

Rightly said. I'm now a SAHM but we wouldn't have got the house without my salary. In fact I paid the mortgage.

I work my off to ensure child is looked after properly and there is no way that dh would get out of this relationship without giving me my fair share ie half.

Why is it so many women are so critical of SAHMs. I've had my career and my new career for the next few years is looking after my kid.

warthog · 14/04/2007 22:48

blondilocks, you seem to imply that sahms are freeloaders. they do actually work - it's just unpaid...

MerryMarigold · 14/04/2007 23:10

Many SAHM's not only contribute on a daily basis by doing all the childcare/ housework etc. but have contributed past earnings into their property. I managed to put even more than Twiglett into our deposit!!! Our deposit was more than half the value of our house, which means we have a low enough mortgage for me not to work. It was part of a whole lifestyle decision. Maybe I should have had a legal contract drawn up saying I get at least three quarters of the house, but I wouldn't dream of it...that's not what marriage is about.

PenelopePitstops · 14/04/2007 23:13

yes of course!!
ig he cn afford the house without her haing to work its a luxury and why she shouldnt have half

she will inevitably have to look after the children

hes a twat

zippitippitoes · 14/04/2007 23:15

marriage creates a legal framework though living together doesn't...which is why same sex couples fought so hard for a legal framework

MrsDanvers · 14/04/2007 23:20

If a man won't let his DP have any of the proceeds from his "hard work" if a relationship fails, then he shouldn't expect to have an equal say in the proceeds of her hard work- the children. it's got to be a partnership with everything being fairly shared (or divided in a split) for it to work. men can sometimes be too logical with problems that can't always be solved in a logical, unemotional way. Is he expecting the DC's to be homeless or in a bedsit in the event of a split?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/04/2007 23:28

Hang on though, its not about providing for her as such as it is his children.

Does he not wish to provide a roof over his children's heads should they split, or is he only interested in the money?

It doesnt matter if she 'only' works part time - she is contributing, and the largest part is contributing to the household by looking after the household and washing his skiddy skants probably. How much does he 'pay' her for that? Hmm, I suspect he'll just pay her portion of the rent/mortgage then....

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/04/2007 23:29

Looking after the children not household (twice)

hunkermunker · 14/04/2007 23:34

I agree with Greeny. I don't understand how people are so "mine" and "mine" about money in otherwise equal and amicable relationships.

Blondilocks · 14/04/2007 23:58

But most SAHMs work initially. There is no comment about whether she has her own house, or anything like that. It might be that she has savings or something which is fair enough, I just don't see how if she doesn't contribute anything to the actual money side of the house she can expect to walk away with half?

If you can potentially get £100k (given the avg house must be at least £200k )just for childcare then maybe I'm in the wrong job?!

Blondilocks · 15/04/2007 00:03

OH & Twiglett, I did NOT say that ALL SAHMs NEVER put ANY money into houses. If you & your OH split up will you be happy with him taking half of everything then even if you may have put more in?

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