Do I call her out or not?

[Lostmymind01]

Ok please don’t judge me but I’ve had an affair with a work colleague over the last year. She has many narcissistic traits and loves flirting and getting attention.

In the early summer I caught her out messaging another colleague in a suggestive way which she was remorseful (or so she says) about and “wouldn’t of let it go anywhere and do that to me”. Anyway since then our thing has not happened as much and she says she wants to just have fun now and then. I know she’s continuing to message this guy (or maybe others) and believe the change in heart is because she’s bored and moved on to someone else. We are really friendly and chat loads and she suggests we’ll have more fun when she’s back in the mood.

I’m really quite hurt by it all and have sought counselling as it’s messed my head up a bit, and I don’t know if to tell her I know and cause a row as she’ll say yes I’m messaging but there’s nothing in it, or just try (which is difficult) to keep away, which will result in her asking what’s wrong. I could lie and say nothing, but a part of me wants to say “I know, and I know what you’re all about”

Advice please

thought it was you OP and went to check my PMs.

It doesn't sound like this affair is all that fun for you anymore, but you still seem hooked to the drama.

She uses you when the mood strikes and you've become her plaything.

If things are good with her husband... she doesn't need you. If things get difficult with him ... she picks up her old toy (you) and plays with it to make her feel better.

She snaps her fingers and you come running. She says jump ... you ask how high.

She's safe in the knowledge you can't or won't tell her husband ... because you have a girlfriend. She's got you right where she wants you ... at her beck and call.

If you don't already, you'll be wishing you never got into this affair. I've seen grown men crying with the mental gymnastics and stress from their MW (married woman). It's good to hear you're in therapy anyway.
You certainly seem way more invested than she is.

What's the end game? Because the longer it goes on ... the more of yourself you lose and the longer it causes you emotional damage.

I say this to OWs that I support... as a way of waking then up and seeing the reality "Affairs are meant to be fun, stress free and exciting" .. that ship had sailed for you are her... what's the point in carrying on.

Sandy-who are affairs meant to be fun for?

Leave your LTR. Be honey with them do they can get a sexual health check.

Leave your casual fling to screw up get own marriage. Stay professional at work

You were having an affair, obviously she's loose, you had no right to expect anything resembelling exclusivity or respect from someone like that.

Ok so don’t say anything and have an argument, just steer clear and let it go.
The therapy is to see why I’ve done it and what’s missing in my relationship

Are you seriously on here complaining about the person you are cheating on your partner with cheating on you, when she's already cheating on her spouse?

Really?

Basically yes.
But please tell your current partner about this.
She needs an STD check and your honesty!

You leave both of them

Fucking pathetic

I’d walk away & just count yourself lucky you weren’t caught. You also sound and are acting bored in your LTR. You need to end that too

You don't need a therapist to tell you why you cheated. It's because you're a skank. At least own it.

How about you be a actual decent person, end the whatever you call yourself and not cheat on your partner.

I absolutely detest men like you

Jesus you have some fucking nerve, you come on here to help with this women. Then drop it in that your both in separate relationships. Oh and the counselling, ‘to find what your missing’ what your are actually missing is honestly, integrity, and some balls. If your not happy in your long term relationship, put the poor women out of her misery and end it.

I hope you get caught, the other women is clearly a women with little morals, actually you both sound perfect for each other

Also bear in mind that when you have sex with her, she's having sex with at least two other men. So in effect you are sleeping with them too. And so is your LTR

And what will you do when therapy shows the only thing missing from your LTR was respect, commitment and general human decency on your part, or cowardliness or selfish entitlement and that you a generally unpleasant person?

It’s not what’s “missing in your LTR”.

It’s what’s missing in you.

So your slapper bit on the side, turned out to be a slapper and dumped you when she got bored with you.

Your shocked why.

Sounds like your not cut out of having flings as you got attached to her.

Do the decent thing, break up with your partner and then next time your in a ltr be a better person and don't cheat.

LookAt

Sandy-who are affairs meant to be fun for?

I didn't mean it literally, but the OP knows what I mean. We've spoken about it before.

It's more of..why are you sneaking around having an affair, yet it's causing nothing but misery.

Oh is it half term?

So in effect you are sleeping with them too

Errr, no he isn't.

You leave your LTR and you also stay away from this woman. You had this affair for a reason and you'd be better off being single while you figure out what your issues are. You are being unfair to your partner and you're going down a path of self destruction.

Stop being a coward and tell your partner the truth.

@Sandy, because that’s what affairs do, they cause stress to all parties involved.

And what will you do when therapy shows the only thing missing from your LTR was respect, commitment and general human decency on your part, or cowardliness or selfish entitlement and that you a generally unpleasant person?

Good question, because that's what it basically comes down to. Amd asking for affair advice on a forum full of ppl who have suffered the effects of being cheated on in their own relationship....Shows a large dose of self-interest and insensitivity to me. Until sandy commented I was mostly convinced you were just a gf. Still think you're selfish and immoral. My advice? Leave them both. No one deserves to be in a relationship with you.

@Sandy, because that’s what affairs do, they cause stress to all parties involved

I won't argue with you on that. Someone usually always gets hurt on affairs. I mostly see the OW being hurt when she gets dumped and the BW doesn't know about it.

This is a bit of a role reversal. The MW/AP has the power in the affair .... just like most MM do in affairs.

She's doing the push pull like I've said before.

Stop giving her the power to toy with you and mess up your head. Rescue yourself and of course do not challenge on who she flirts with or texts ... that's who she is. It's not your place.