Help me sort this out......

[numbanddumb]

Thanks for reading, I hope someone can offer some advice.......
I’ve been with DH for 19 years, we have 3 DC.
DH is living a very unhappy life with me.
His words to me;
“I understand that your sex drive is going to be even lower than it usually is because of DD2 (4 months old). It’s not just sex though. I just wish you knew how shitty it feels to be in a relationship with someone who blatantly has no desire for you whatsoever.
This is not a new feeling by the way. You’ve done this to me for years.”

Back story - DH has recently (just over a year ago) cheated on me on a night out with a random.
I chucked him out, he came back on the premise that things would change. He wouldn’t nag for sex, I’d be more affectionate.
Well surprise, surprise with a new baby thrown into the works DH is still unhappy and not feeling desired enough.
In my own admission I’m not an affectionate person, never have been and my DH has acknowledged that he has always known this.
That said, I’m no ice maiden and have made effort (even in the weeks following DD’s birth).
I think DH would be in the midst of a full blown affair had the opportunity been there for him.
What happens now? He’s on at me to change and be more positive but TBH I’m just depressed about the whole thing. Is this fixable?

From what I've read about affairs, they start out as emotional first so usually work colleagues as friends, sharing intimate conversations about their lives and this can progress in to a full blown sexual affair. So my understanding is that it isn't about the sex, it's the Intimacy (in to me you see) .

If I try to tell him that I don’t think of him as he would believe, this angers him more.
Because he wants you not to fancy him. You not fancying him would fit in with the story he has been telling himself to justify his affair. If you fancy him, and love him, then that makes him the baddie. He doesn't want to be the baddie.

My ex wanted me to hate the country we live in, as his story was that I complained about living here all the time. When I showed him conversations I'd had online saying I liked living here, I thought he would cheer up, but it just made him more pissed off, for precisely this reason.

A difficult situation for both of you, but it sounds like you’ve been trying and he seems to think it’s ok to criticise and say those awful things to you, that’s not the sign of a man that wants to fix the relationship. You both sound very unhappy.