Help understanding text please!

[Sancerresanwine]

For a bit of background I have been dating / seeing someone new for a few months. Regular contact completely dropped off after i last saw him the weekend before last when a school acquaintance, who dated him briefly about 15 years ago warned me off him in no uncertain terms and it worried me. I told him it had worried me and he was horrified I would listen to a word she would say. He then didn't call over the following weekend when he said he would, but yesterday.

This is the text he sent me yesterday, after a missed call, much more formal in tone than previously-

Hey sancerre. How you getting on? Sorry I haven’t been in touch. Just getting my head around all the noise that has accompanied us! X

I haven't replied. I will call him maybe tomorrow to see how he's doing but I wasn't sure if this sounds like he's trying to end it and doesn't want to see me again. Would really appreciate any thoughts.

He’s kind of done exactly what the woman said though. He dissapeared without giving a reason why. This is what he does at the very start? What will he do if you have concerns further down the line? In doing this he’s probably hoping you won’t bother him with concerns again for fear of him disappearing. Just like his ex has warned.

Flings are fine, but he may have let the women he was having flings with think it were a relationship. If he’s made them think they are more than a fling to get into their knickers that’s very different to two people who know it’s just fun and going nowhere... Does he view you two as a flings or as a relationship?

Thanks all for input. It's over now- I texted him back after a couple of days to say I was OK, asked how he was and I'd call him back - he ignored the message. I didn't feel like calling as felt he had indeed checked out, and that he would most likely ignore the call too. So I didn't. And to make sure I don't contact him again I deleted his number.
I had felt uncomfortable about a few things by this point and don't feel suited to relationships where being ignored is a norm. Bit sad about it though. But if he wants to get in touch with me, he could. Felt it was the best course of action for my head, heart and dignity!

Btw I had said clearly I wasnt looking for a fling and was under the impression he wasnt either... But I think actually he was looking for a stress free hook up on his terms

I can't help thinking it's strange that an ex would jump in and get involved 15 years later, and I don't think what she said was that worrying. It also seems strange you told him that what she said had worried you - its like saying "I met your ex today for the first time and I'm believing her, even though I've known you for the past few months". I wouldn't be that impressed if a new boyfriend did that to me, quite frankly. Were there other red flags that made you believe her? Did you already have doubts? I know it's done now, but it all sounds a bit weird. Perhaps it just wasn't right anyway?

I already had doubts to be honest... And his reaction was a red flag. Just couldn't be doing with getting involved any further

Flakey as fuck! You that is.

Poor guy

I personally think you've over reacted but maybe you just weren't that into him. I really can't see where he's been manipulative.

It took you a couple of days to text him back but as he's ignored your text you've decided it's over? How long did you give him to text back before deciding he's ignored you? I'm guessing not 2 days? Seems like double standards to me.

I felt like I would be pestering him and that he'd checked out which is why I didn't call or text again... I didn't want to hassle someone who clearly isn't that into me...everyone says if a man's interested they will let you know... And he ignored me for a week and a half then ignored my response... I haven't blocked him, I haven't said anything mean, he could still reply to my text asking if he's OK... But he hasn't so far

So you text him back saying that you'd call but then didn't bother. He's probably thinking you are not really into him because from where I'm standing it looks that way.

So did he not ring for a week or a weekend..... I'm confused.

To be fair though, you'd already, pretty blatantly, told him you didn't trust him to be capable of a relationship and believed his ex. So no wonder he backed off a bit. He probably didn't think you were that interested either!

Well more accurately he didn't initiate contact with me for 9 days, sent me that funny text and then ignored my text... I'd want to hope he was into me, but i think the facts speak for themselves... Oh and I'd already sent an apology text about listening to his ex! I'd say he cut his losses and checked out

Ok, I thought you said a weekend. It sounds like there has been confusion on both your parts, Just see if he gets in touch at some point and put your point of view across then.

If someone texted me saying they were going to call, I wouldn't think it necessary to reply - in fact I'd think it a bit odd to reply, as the person has already laid out what they want, which is to call, when they are ready! I'd just wait for them to call. If they then failed to call, I'd think they were very unreliable, and would not context them further unless they were a very good friend.
It seems as if you wanted him to contact you, but you gave signals that you'd be in touch instead - he had no way to know you expected an answer.

If you knew his relationship history why did you give the other person's comments head room? If I were him I would have been offended that you had been rattled by a comment from a casual ex from 15 years ago. I would have reevaluated my relationship with you. Which it appears that he took a bit of space to do and eventually deemed it 'noise'.

You then don't reply for a while, then say you will call, then you don't...

What a bloody juvenile mess on BOTH sides.

Thanks coola