This is going to be a long post FYI.
My mum had multiple different children (6) with multiple different fathers. (Including me), I'm not casting judgement but she went about it all the wrong way (introducing them too early including having a drug addict in our home at one point and they'd be gone within 15 months and she'd be left holding the baby, again.)
The last one stuck around. But he's a real bastard.
When I was 14/15 he choked my younger sister with a guitar string in front of me laughing while he did it. We told mum, she didn't believe us (that or just said she didnt).
He also punched me and choked me on more than one occasion and would have explosive fits of rage over minor things (ie, if one of us didn't go into THEIR bedroom and get THEIR near empty cups or glasses out, he would walk in and throw the cup or its cold congealed contents at one of us. This was a weekly occurrence).
They then moved away, to another country. Leaving me and my older sister behind but taking the other kids with them. I was thankfully old enough to say no. I wanted to be away from him.
She didn't contact either of us often, a few times a year, perhaps. Never skyped or called always just email.
"How are you?"
"Good you?"
"I'm great" (no more correspondence for 3 months or more) in this time I obviously got older had a child of my own and got married. Then dhs job offered us a move to the same country she's in. We took it for other reasons but figured it'd be a blank slated for us.
We also requested he be placed in the same region as she lives in and we live a 10 minute drive down the road.
But she has been awful. Her husband is still a cunt but to his credit he mostly just recluses himself and says/does nothing. I think he knows he can't pull the same shit anymore that he could when we were kids. But I know behind closed doors it's different for eg he has smashed up my younger siblings Xbox (for not putting the bins out). There is still one sibling in the house (the youngest who is very nearly an adult).
Back to my mum. She's been awful. I don't know if she's projecting. But she's been horrible towards myself and mostly my dh. Calling him abusive (couldn't be further from the truth, he is lovely, kind, calm, generous and level headed. Nobody is perfect but we seldom argue and when we do it's quickly sorted out. We're a strong couple) begging me to "come home to her" I've barely been in her house and the fact she thinks her house is "home" is absolutely fucking laughable I haven't lived with her for a couple of decades.
She has made up lies about my DH and spread them around the family (some of which in our home country) to the point now where no one really likes my Dh, my siblings don't take much notice because they don't trust what she says anyway but my grandmother and cousins, aunts etc are now all highly critical or suspicious of my DH.
Everything I say turns into me being depressed. Ie.
"I'm having some stress at work but In general life's pretty good childsname has achieved x and I'm really happy."
Her "I think you're making bad decisions"
Me "sorry?"
Her "I know you're depressed and I know your dh is abusive towards you please stop lying to me and let me help you" no matter what I say I can't win because if I say all is fine I'm in denial, if I question her she tells me she "just knows" or "a mother knows everything*" or she can see I'm frightened of him. I'm not, really! Promise!
So now I'm just ignoring her. I've tried to talk to her and tried to address it and asked her why she thinks he's abusive, what he's done to make her think that but it's all very vague and boils down to she just thinks she knows with no real reason.
*the reason I think it's so hilarious she thinks she knows everything is that it's painfully obvious she doesn't know me:
I hate the feel and texture of sand but she keeps hounding me to go to the beach (alone, not even with her!).
she uses an abbreviation of my name that I hate even when I ask her not to, when she asked me over for dinner she nearly fed me food I was allergic to it was only dh double checking that confirmed there was an allergen in it that I'm allergic to, she then spent 5 minutes going "are you sure you're allergic?" Yeah mum I have been for years.
Lots of little things like that (that are second nature when you do know someone reasonably well)
She doesn't know me at all and I think she just wants to be seen as my rescuer.
I can't even have a conversation with her without it becoming (within 2 messages) about bad decisions/dh/DH is so awful crazy and dangerous.
We're being transferred now about 5.5 hours away. I'm considering changing my number and going. I don't want to deal with her shit anymore.
But ironically dh says this is cruel and I should give her one last chance to explain herself or at least write her a letter.
But I know full well as soon as I do that she's going to come in all guns blazing with omg you're being isolated don't go come to my house!