Cutting off Contact. Baby Involved

[Jane1457]

have a three month old baby with my recently ex partner. We had been together for three years and are both early twenties. We have always had our ups and downs a few big fights but always quickly got back together. However I am running out of patience for his constant moods and laziness since LO has been born. He was a dick throughout the pregnant - going out all the time and questioning our relationship etc. Since LO he has been doing the same. At the start he was brilliant very helpful and very hands on but the last couple months he Barely sees LO. We don’t live together but he will now only pop round when it suits him and when he has nothing better to do. This leaves me to do everything virtually by myself. He is so selfish and puts basically everything else before coming to see her child and our relationship. I have now found out he has also being lying to me and messaging other women behind my back. So basically I want out as he is a dick of a father and a boyfriend. There is no trust left for him so I don’t know what to do about contact with LO.

I don’t want to have to communicate with him as all he will do is give excuses or try and manipulate me (make me feel bad etc). However LO is so small and I’m breastfeeding and also due to severe lack of trust I can’t just hand LO over to him for a few hours. What would be reasonable to suggest? Is the times/ days of contact up to me to decide what suits us?

Thanks for any suggestions !

I'm no expert, but I understand that little and often is recommended for small breastfeeding babies... So maybe an hour, three times a week, at a time when she is likely to be awake and alert?

Is it plausible that I set the times/days and he can come over to my house when my parents are in to sit downstairs with the baby?

Yes, although obviously the times wouldn't need to be agreed between all parties... Eg you couldn't say 3pm on a weekday if he's working. But if it's feasible for him to call in after work, all good. Yes to sitting downstairs with your parents, another option to suggest might be that he gives her a bath if that could be a mutually enjoyable activity?

*would need!!

Nothing like a typo changing the meaning of the sentence totally, is there?!

I would also suggest one of the times be on a weekend. That way as your LO gets older and is more able to leave you for 2/3 hours, that time slot can be extended to a morning/afternoon and eventually a full day etc.

Would your parents be the contact point for you?
So you message him and give him their number and tell him all contact is to be arranged via them so you don't have to worry about contact with him at all.
If he's a flaky dad then twice a week is fine.
And definitely have your parents there.
End it if you want to - tell him you are blocking him and it's via your parents from now on.
Well done on realising all this and being strong.

He works random shifts every week however I want a routine and consistency. I will think of set times and he can let work know his availability has changed. Yes my parents would probably be able to communicate on my behalf. What is a reasonable amount of contact ?

Are you married? Is he on the birth certificate?

Not married but he is on the birth certificate