I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on.....

[funkimummy]

My husband got a promotion a year ago to Manager and ever since he's treated me like one of his workforce. Nothing I ever do is right. I have suffered with postnatal depression - or depression of a sort I can't really tell since my Sister had a near fatal car accident last August. (I have two children 4 and 11 months.)

I've recently started my own business and it's going really well and I thoroughly enjoy it. I work hard, but my children are always with me as I work from home.

I've asked for his help around the house a bit more to ease the burden from me, and he barely lifts a finger save to iron his own work shirts. I'm still expected to 'fulfill my role and duties indoors' (his words not mine)as well as run a business and look after the children.

He uses my depression as a weapon against me, even though I'm off the tablets now through my own choice. I'm much better than I was, but my life is very hectic and so I do get stressed at times. He just says that I should go back on the tablets. Of course he would because he wants an easy life with a wife who is a walking zombie because she's pilled up to the eyeballs.

I'm at my wits end. He says I'm being unreasonable. We've just had a massive row and now he's driven off.

I feel like leaving him.

Oh and he's just told me he wants me to pack my business in and go and get a job in an office. I hate him for it, and there is no way I'm going to do that.

Oh hun

I would just carry on doing as well as you are, which to me sounds fab!

Let him be that way he will soon get fed up and back off just keep showing him how great you are and how great your doing!

And tell him that he should be surporting you like you did him before he got his pomotion!!

hope ive helped a little

Ems x

he sounds extremely unsupportive.

i'd make a list of all the things you do and all the things he does over the course of a week and ask him if he thinks it's fair.

i'd write a letter about how you feel and see if that makes a difference.

failing which, i'd go off for a weekend leaving him to deal with the kids so he gets a taste of your life.

why is he so unsupportive of your business? sounds like he's jealous. and why isn't he helping you with your depression? it's extraordinary to think that you should put up with more stress and just take ads to cope. doesn't he care about your health?

i think he needs a serious kick up the arse.

need to know more really though.

I would do, but the atmosphere between us for the last 6 months has been awful. Our eldest is now beginning to feel the waves of it, and it's not fair on him. Our marriage is a complete shambles.

so it used to be much better? when was it better? before the birth of your last dc? as the added stress from work become too much? maybe things aren't as rosy for him as he likes to make out. not that that's any excuse.

are you both getting out and having fun?

has the added stress...

Can't you get put the house yourself, its where he expects you to be. can you ring a friend and pop in for a chat?

Sorry you are having such a bad time of it.

Hi Warthog. What else is there to tell? We're two very different peeople. I am usually confident and outgoing, but feel that him and the depression jointly make me feel like I've got no self-esteem left.

Yes I think he is jealous. He is supposed to have a part in the business and does nothing.

He's very good at playing psychological games to get me wound up so I shout and then he talks to me all softly softly as if to say 'what are you shouting for?'

I'm always in such a rush to do things that yesterday I ended up having a scrape in the car. Nothing major, but it will need fixing. He's acting like I should be on bended knees begging his forgiveness because of it, and I won't bow down to him. Not any more anyway. The only reason I was in a rush is because he came home early when I was on a business call. He started pulling ugly faces and gesticulating about how I had to go and get our son from Nursery and got me in such a tizz that I ended up doing the car in. He makes my nerves bad.

I would do wotzaname, but most of my friends are unmarried without children, and we all tend to lead very separate lives. I just feel so trapped.

Warthog, yes he hates his job. I think he always thought he'd end up doing something else. It's a good job. He could have done anything he wanted. He always excelled academically, and I feel that he now blames his work-life on his family (us) because he can't change and do what he wants to do. Trouble is, he doesn't actually have anything else he'd like to do.

I never thought he'd be so thoroughly sexist, but he's been unbearable recently. I've been accused of having an affair if I'm not home exactly when I say I will be

So still ring them, tell them you are in need. That's what friends should do, single or otherwise, be there for you. Just say you need an hours break and a chat and get out.

FWIW your jewellery looks lovely.

If you are earning enough to support it - get a cleaner or ironing done or some help - or ask at local nneb/fe college if you can get a student nursery nurse to help with the kids or give you some "me time" during the week.

He sounds as though he is threatened by your success and new status. Sod him. Keep going for it and ignore his ranting.

Oh, and we all get stressed. Your way of dealing with it is to show it when it all gets to much. His way of dealing with his stress is to take it out on you.

Bite your tongue, do your own thing housewise/workwise (you can fulfill your role as 'er indoors just as effectively by delegating as you can by doing it yourself)and let him whinge away as he pleases.

I'm not at present. It all goes back into the business.

He's packed a bag and left. Admittedly I did tell him last night that I couldn't take any more and he should leave.

I've packed the rest of his stuff and put it outside the door.

oh funki, i didn't realise it was that bad. Sounds like you've had enough.

Yeah it's rubbish. I don't know what else to do. My mum is away on holiday, and I've no one to talk to really. I'm not close with my friends. I just go out for a drink with them once in a blue moon, and they are closer to another member of our group who I've had to walk away from because she drinks too much and gets violent with everyone. I fee like everything is such a mess.

Never mind, the sun is shining. Perhaps I'll feel better once I've slept on it. Perhaps.

poor you.

from what you say, i'd wonder why i was with him too.

he sounds like a bully to me

it doesn't sound good tbh, but you're the only one who can say whether there's something worth saving.

do you think he can change?

Well, he's not an ogre. I think so. I don't know everything has been a bit muddled today. Perhaps I'll feel differently in the morning!

Thank you all for your support though. I did do the list as suggested, when he decided he was going to come back home this afternoon. It seemed to hit home how much I did. He's doing some ironing now for what it's worth!

It's so nice to have people to talk to without being judged or criticised, so thank you all very much.

xx

he's doing the IRONING??? RESULT and RESPECT!

Thanks warthog! I know I was shocked too