DH has started making me packed lunches

[CompletelyRidiculousIssue]

Terrible, right?

So here is the issue. I feel like he's been low and distanced, and seething with resentment, for ages. He won't talk about it. He's also silently started doing nice things for me, like making me packed lunches for work. I'm genuinely grateful for this in itself, and I thank him every time. But, weirdly, it makes me feel so much worse. Like he's determined to do everything "right" so I can never have cause for complaint while he cuts me out emotionally. I don't know what to do.

Maybe he's just trying to do something nice? Have you ever considered that?

He wants to be a martyr , the good guy, because he knows there is something wrong with him.
Creepy af

I honestly wouldn't dare to eat them in case he's spat in them or laced them with something.

Please throw them away. Something's going on in his head & it doesn't look good.

It seems like he feels guilty about something.

Thank you all. Food for thought (ha ha...).
Sparkling, I do really try to see it that way. But it doesn't come across like that. Yes, I have wondered about guilt.

Sparkling - are you Brook?

My STBXH used to make me a cup of tea every morning. He was emotionally closed off to me and, in the end, I found out more about him via his Facebook updates than by our daily interactions.

My husbands started doing this when he developed an eating disorder which ultimitely as ruined our lifes

Ummm... how about you play him at his own game? Stop thanking him and robotically take the lunch and put it in your bag. If he's wanting you to feel guilty and playing mind games then he will enjoy the heart-felt thank-yous, so stop showing you're grateful. I'm. Guessing he may stop doing them if he's not getting much of a reaction.

My equivalent is flowers and chocolates. It's ok, you see, he can lie, gaslight, stonewall all he likes, but as long as he's buying me flowers then I just need to shut up, comply and be grateful. Never mind that sometimes I sense that he hates me and he's barely keeping his contempt for me in check - of course he loves me, stupid, he buys me flowers!

@PiperAndLarry eurgh I could've written that

😂 My DH buys flowers like this too. Dumps them on the work top without even a word to me! What really p**s me off is that he'll by 3 or 4 bunches from the reduced bucket, then I have to spend ages trimming, arranging and caring for them.

F**k your flowers!

It's like "but we took you to stately homes" isn't it...

"But I made you lunch"...

I got a shocking insight once into how my H truly feels about me. He came home from a very rare night out steaming drunk, called me a twat and a cunt, and said he didn't know if he wanted to be married anymore. It's the one time he owned up to something and acted mortified, apologised profusely and said he didn't mean it.

He's never lost control like that again, but I still get glimpses of that contempt with little passive-aggressive sighs, eye rolls, flashes of expression on his face. But if I mention the sighing, eye rolls or facial expressions, he flat-out denies he does it. "No I didn't", "I don't know what you mean", "Of course you don't annoy me", etc. etc. Then come the flowers and "I love you".

My head is utterly messed up.

My h did this after he cheated. Constantly cooking and presenting it to me. If I brought up the cheating he would say but I cook for you..... I ended up saying stuff it and made my own. Twas manipulation and drove me insane.
All the things I do for you blah blah. I did all the housework but apparently I was doing this for myself.
Very controlling behaviour. Any chance he might be cheating?

Thanks again all, and sorry to hear all the horrid experiences.

I'd be absolutely shocked if he was cheating. I really don't think so. But I've read enough posts on here to know that doesn't mean he isn't.