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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Trying to figure him out

16 replies

NeedHelp1002 · 30/10/2017 20:01

Is there a difference between a guy ending it and actually pulling away... I dated a guy few months ago for about 6-8 weeks and he ended up pulling away and becoming distant after sex though prior to that the times were good and we spent several occasions lying together arm in arm discussing the future...

He is now texting me and asking about how I am and it seems he wants to get back in touch/meet again... to be honest he never really said he didn't want to see me but agreed to me saying that we should stop dating because I felt the spark was not there but this was early September. We have messaged on and off mainly me initiating and I literally left it to get on with work (we are both busy medics) and now he is messaging again and being friendly.

He has an event coming up which he invited me to... I do want to reconnect but I will be holding on to my heart now and no sex... want to see how this goes and see if he really wants a serious relationship. My question is do men pull away but decided they want to pursue the relationship after all?

OP posts:

curlyhairedchaos · 30/10/2017 20:14

Didn't want to read and run Need Help.
All I can say is that in my experience, I know a man who pulled away from me despite is very much having a spark. Only later on (talking months down the line here) did he admit that he'd openly done this. He never gave a reason - he was about to in that conversation but stopped himself mid sentence. He then said he had feelings still.
Men are confusing beings!

Apileofballyhoo · 30/10/2017 20:17

I'd leave it.

TheNaze73 · 30/10/2017 20:31

I wouldn’t bother

Original poster

NeedHelp1002 · 30/10/2017 20:45

To be honest not going to give up on him as he trying to be really friendly once again will just let him take the lead and go to his event... thanks for the answers though

OP posts:

Rainbowglow · 30/10/2017 20:47

I would leave it. Sound like he just wants a plus 1 for the event and some post event sex. The odds are he will pull away again and then it may be harder for you 2nd time round.

crimsonlake · 30/10/2017 21:53

I really would not bother, seems he will only be using you.

beesandknees · 30/10/2017 22:07

He's made it REALLY clear that he is not interested in you. People don't pull away / stop responding for any reason other than they are not that into you. They will have excuses for it - busy etc - but the reason is still the same.

You can safely assume he is inviting you to an event because he needs a +1. He's being friendly now because he doesn't want the event to be awkward.

It sounds like you've already decided it means more than that you - not a good idea and I urge you to give your head a bit of a shake.

AlbaAlba · 30/10/2017 22:17

OTOH DH pulled away about 3 months after we got together. We broke up, his choice. We had to see each other daily so he couldn't just disappear. We got back together after a few more months and have now been together about 15 years.

But I'd be wary about the event and whether he just wants a +1. Or whether he was pursuing someone else in the meantime, and it didn't work out.

SparklyMagpie · 30/10/2017 22:20

What was the point in this thread if you're just going to shrug it off?..

Id leave it but dont say you hadn't been warned

hatty44 · 30/10/2017 22:25

Bit confusing - you said you it was you who said you should stop dating as there was no spark, he agreed and pulled away. Wasn't that what you wanted?
And why do you think there will be spark now if there wasn't before ?

thefourgp · 30/10/2017 22:29

Sounds like you’re not really into each other tbh. Are you both a bit lonely?

AskBasil · 30/10/2017 22:31

No man is interesting enough to try and figure out.

You sound like you play stupid games tbh.

Try and figure out your own character and motivations before you spend time figuring out anyone else.

Ellisandra · 30/10/2017 22:39

So, you dumped him but then kept initiating text exchanges?
It should be him posting not you!
Stop pissing him about.

lookatyourwatchnow · 30/10/2017 23:03

Some men like to keep women on the back burner, throw out a bit of interest when they are at a loose end. I’m not saying that this is what he is doing but tread cautiously. In fact, fuck it, leave it. He’s already basically fucked you off after sex. Life is too short to analyse men like this. Next.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 31/10/2017 11:12

You'd only been dating 6-8 weeks and you ended it because the spark wasn't there? And he was distant after sex? Seriously, this relationship most likely has no legs (it should not be that hard so early on) and I suspect the only reason he's got in touch is because 1. you're a potential fuck and he's horny and 2. he fancies some company at the event. Personaly, as an outsider looking in, I'd say leave it. When men are into someone it's obvious. The spark is there and they certainly don't go distant.

lovecheeseandbiscuits · 31/10/2017 11:34

Sounds like he needs a +1 and a leg over! I would leave it

Flip