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Original poster

Am I a bad person?

17 replies

auntysocial · 13/04/2007 23:20

I'm very anti-social and as a result dont have any friends but if I'm honest it's the people I meet I just dont want to bother with, for instance the women that take their kids to school are just so bloody boring, all they go on about is TV or something as equally pointless, I never join in with conversation. I have a 'friend' who I walk home from school with on a night and sometimes walk there with in a morning but she does my head in, they all do...all she goes on about is her sister, slagging people off all the time, going on about the kids reading books and what level they're on etc etc... I just find that the people I meet are not like me at all, none of them seem to want anything in life, the highlight of their week is coronation street, none of them care what their kids do when they leave school...none of them aspire to anything and I find it all so boring and tedius.

Its got that bad that I've put the kids in kids-club in a morning and on an evening just so that I dont have to walk to and from school with anyone.

I know how snobby this makes me sound but I'm being honest, am I the only one like this? is it my problem? should I try and change my attitude or do what I can to meet like-minded people??

OP posts:

Kbear · 13/04/2007 23:22

Bit desperate to put your kids in before and after school clubs to avoid talking to someone, don't you think? Can't you just walk a different way if she's really that bad? What do you like to talk about?

whomovedmychocolate · 13/04/2007 23:24

It depends what you want out of life. If your aim is to be on your own and for nothing to change - you are doing fine. However if you opened your mind a bit and just tried, maybe you'd find there was at least one person you had something in common with.

Wotzsaname · 13/04/2007 23:25

Frighten her off, move the conversation around or learn to walk really quickly if you don't want to walk with her.

Small chit chat is OK sometimes, but there must be more to it than that.

Original poster

auntysocial · 13/04/2007 23:29

I do try, I really do...I agreed to go with my 'friend' to a meeting at school where her and another nutty mother where complaining about the kids reading books...and then the other mum complained that her daughter didnt have a very good part in the play...I mean, for gods sake...

I invited my 'friend' to our house yesterday with her DD, she came, talked non stop about how much she hated her mother-in-law before answering her phone and being all pally with said woman...

I just find it so much easier to be on my own and 'dream' about the stuff I like rather than discuss the mindless drivel that they 'enjoy' but I would love to find someone I could talk to about travelling, art etc

OP posts:

DimpledThighs · 13/04/2007 23:34

but htat is so fine - if you don't like the whole school scene and chatting with the others then don't - it is not anti-social it is just doing what you want.

On the way to school a simple 'hi' followed by a long drawn out conversation with your child is a good way of avoiding conversation (I never toalk to anyone else if I am witht he children) and then get an ipod for the way home.

there is nothing wrong with not connecting with a group of people. If you were lonely you could get loads of tips on chatting etc. but I don't think you are - I think the school scene does not do it for you (the same way accountancy doesn't do it fo me)

Stop posting about being anti-social, you are just being selective.

for all the chattering mothers there are as many who grab their children and run.

Don't stress that you are not what you are not!

Wotzsaname · 13/04/2007 23:43

DimpledThighs has a good way with her words and if you are happy to be more selective with the people you wish to spend your time with than that is your choice.

Maybe get your children to meet you at a certain point in the playground away from the 'ones' that do your head in!

Anniegetyourgun · 14/04/2007 08:09

As for meeting like-minded people, well, you have access to the internet, the best way of contacting large numbers of other people ever invented! Just like Mumsnet is for people with family issues, there must be Travelnet or Artnet sort of things. Why not explore some websites about subjects that interest you, those that have discussion boards; lurk for a bit, then get chatting. Some of them will still be able to bore for England on that subject, but there are a whole bunch of human beings out there with lively minds and varying interests. My brother met a group of really fascinating people through a live journal a few years ago and they have all become fast friends, meeting up for evenings and weekends, providing mutual support, widening their horizons together. (Er, not in a rude way, I hasten to explain.)

warthog · 14/04/2007 08:36

it's ok to not get on with large swathes of people. you're just different. but you do need to go out and find other different people. have you ever tried talking to them about your interests? have you ever said 'oh i went to the holbein exhibition last saturday'? you never know, someone might be banging on about their kids because they think that's what you want to talk about.

and another thing that will help is don't actually think 'my god this woman is boring i can't wait to get away' because people DO pick up on those vibes. you might be missing out on a good friendship. just give them a chance. if still not, then get that ipod out.

you should start a course in whatever hobby you love. art history, learning to paint etc. and i'm sure you'll meet more likeminded people.

but we all have radar for when we're being judged and nobody likes it!

Ally90 · 14/04/2007 08:57

I 'get' you!

Felt same myself. But thro courses I've done I've met people like myself. At work I've ferretted out people like me and am still mates with. Yes there are people out there who are only 'comfortable' with tv and kids. But there are people who enjoy much more than that. Try evening school/open uni. Worked for me. Rest assured, there will even be people like you at school. You just seem to have attracted the 'small world' people!

However, you won't make any mates by avoided all contact with people. Try to take a fresh view, go out, smile, ask how they are and if they hark on about tv, ask them what their thoughts are on X artist. Soon you will drive away the ones who don't want to hear that, or they will say 'oh you should chat to so and so'. After all, if they want to talk of their fave topic, you talk of yours.

Just don't lock yourself away, I get tempted to do it but even tho it can be an effort and I still meet complete idjits going out, their are a handful of people I meet that I like and enjoy chatting too. Its just a test of your social skills and saying in a polite way 'oh I really mustn't keep you!'

goodnanny · 14/04/2007 10:32

i totally understand you!! i am like that myself... all the small talk and concerns over such tiny trivial things does my head in!! mums being obsessed with whatever child's reading book is, or what child should wear to a party.. or what happened on a tv soap last night...or whose husband is buying a bigger and better car this weekend..

if you do go to evening classes or chat to as many people/mums as you can then sooner or later you will meet like-minded people..this is what ive found. its just a case of weeding out the chaff from the hay.
Eventually you WILL come across people who are interested in the same things as you!

wakeywakey · 14/04/2007 18:45

I invited my 'friend' to our house yesterday with her DD, she came, talked non stop about how much she hated her mother-in-law before answering her phone and being all pally with said woman...

urm isnt that what your doing to her??????
sorry just seems a tad hypocrytical

i think you should cut your losses with these people and move on.
why put your kids in clubs etc to avoid walking to and from school with these "friends" and then proceed to invite them over to your house???

Gobbledigook · 14/04/2007 18:59

Well you aren't getting to know anyone very well so all you are experiencing is superficial chit chat/small talk.

IME, people don't open up about their aspirations or anything deeper unless you know them quite well.

warthog · 14/04/2007 19:54

i think you can have many different types of friends. i have those that only talk babies and friends that i can talk music and art to. i enjoy the time i spend with both.

i think you just need a balance of friends. and to try to see the value in those that do talk inanities. they can't all be unbelievably tedious.. some of them must have a sense of humour at least?

maveta · 14/04/2007 20:04

You sound like my Mum and I love my Mum very very much and don´t think she is a bad person but this atttitude of hers drives me up the wall sometimes. She doesn´t really give people a chance or try to get to know anyone better because she assumes straight off, from superficial conversation, that they are boring or have nothing to talk about. When to be honest they could be thinking the same thing of her and just trying to find some common ground!!!

It´s only a problem for you if it upsets you or makes you unhappy. My mum is pretty antisocial, she´s perfectly happy with her own company - but she´s happy so it´s not a problem. You certainly aren´t the only person in the world like this but if you do feel like you would like friends or company then yeah, maybe you should try to change your attitude/ do what you can to meet like minded people. You don´t really say if you want to though...

October · 14/04/2007 20:07

Message withdrawn

hoolagirl · 14/04/2007 20:08

Your not a bad person.
You just have very little/no tolerance for drivel!
Maybe thats all they chatter on about as thats all they have in common.
Don't worry about it, your just you.
Try going on about your interests and what you've been doing/want to do, you may be suprised at the response.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/04/2007 20:39

Whats stopping you talking to these people about th things that interest you?

Why is it their fault they bore you?

Have you ever thought that they find you boring, difficult to talk to, and end up just talking mindless drivel because you are difficult to have a conversation with?
You get what you put in, IMO.

And I agree with what GDG said too.

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