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Relationships

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Would this bother you?

34 replies

mysurveysays · 29/10/2017 18:48

I am in the process of divorcing my h. It was his decision to leave, he has a wandering eye and had fallen out of love. We parent very amicably together and both have new partners who are lovely. All have met and get on fine.
There’s just one thing that is annoying me and it is the fact that my ex’s partner keeps buying my children clothes. To the point where I have packed them something to wear for a special occasion and she has bought them something else to wear. It makes me feel like the clothes I buy are not good enough. Plus I feel that as they are my children they should be dressed in the clothes I choose. I realise their dad has as much right but it is not him buying them. I suppose my question is, would this bother you and is it worth mentioning?

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 30/10/2017 07:01

It wouldn’t bother me at all and it sounds like she’s being nice.

KungFuEric · 30/10/2017 07:06

Is the style of clothing not to your taste?

mysurveysays · 30/10/2017 07:52

Doodle it’s down to his job that he has them once a fortnight plus the fact that we both think this is best for our children. He also has them after school and before school whenever his job allows.
I am not trying to be ungrateful or suggest that there’s any malice involved, I just feel a bit uncomfortable with someone else clothing my children is all. I wouldn’t have brought it up in a horrible way.

OP posts:
haveagobletofblood · 30/10/2017 08:00

Annoying but she means well so I'd let it go.

doodle01 · 30/10/2017 08:13

I do get it she is a bit insensitive But when kids with Dad he can dress them as he chooses next time they come home in the clothes send the clothes back with the child - this is a neutral act just returning the clothes to the owner
My ex and myself are always sending stuff back and forwards or there is a glut one end and no socks the other

MyDearAnnie · 30/10/2017 09:43

Not the same thing, but twice now my exh has come to tell me what his girlfriend has bought my son for Christmas/his birthday.

On both occasions, it's been something I've already had in mind to get for him so I've had to rethink.

I could be arsey and say things need to be run by me first because that's the second time I've had to change my present plan for my own child (he's exh's step son) or I could just be pleased that she takes enough interest, and knows him so well, that she would come up with the same idea for him!

I've chosen to do the latter because it's the children (even the 18 year old ones!) who matter, and not the parents.

In your case, I probably wouldn't say anything. If it's clothes for an event that their dad and his partner are taking them too, I think it's reasonable for them to choose the clothes for it.

The clothes thing wouldn't bother me. Except that I've seen the things my exh's partner buys for our daughter to keep at theirs. I think it would be fair to say we do not share the same taste... but as long as my daughter is happy. I'm not going to make a fuss about it.

At least she's not getting their haircut...

SansaClegane · 30/10/2017 09:56

It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. You don’t have to dress them in those clothes when they’re with you; and it’s more clothes for them, which you don’t have to buy (ie saves you money)!

ChickenMom · 30/10/2017 11:03

It wouldn't bother me. I certainly wouldn't rock a smooth boat for items of material that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. Use it as an opportunity to spend less on clothing for them and treat yourself a bit more. She's doing you a favour. Enjoy.

HoHoHoHo · 30/10/2017 14:01

It's incredibly difficult to get the balance right when dating someone with kids. Give her a break, she's buying them presents to treat them.

Would you prefer she was disinterested and refused to spend a penny on them?

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