Husband is a loose cannon, but is it me or him? HELP!

[Brightyoungstar]

I'm new on here and need some perspective as I think I'm too deep in to the situation to see clearly.

DH and I are in a very volatile place right now that I think could end our 7 year marriage any moment.

We've been together 8 years, whirlwind beginning and married within 18months. Then 2DC aged 3 and 5.

Upon reflection I suppose we were only sort of compatible in the beginning, on top of that I've matured and want more from life e.g stability for our children etc. He is a complete live for the moment loose cannon that I can't trust or garuantee what he's up to in any sense including money, we are so different and he is very secretive in many ways. I really know nothing about him anymore as he keeps so many secrets , debts, purchases, plans etc. some might argue I always knew he was like this and that may be true but he's got worse.

However his side of it is that (and to quote him) 'I completely kill the fun in everything he does' hence why he doesn't tell me for fear of the dissappointment. I honestly can't see that I do this at all. what I do try to do is build a positive future for our family and make adult decisions to support our security. It's just not working :-(

Secrets? Debts? Not wanting what's best for the children?

Imagine your life without him. What would it look like?

I would find this a huge turn off. I’m currently a single parent and my DD’s Dad was (& still is) like this. He now doesn’t bother with our child.
When I’m looking to date, this attitude to life is exactly what I look to avoid. My best friend is married to man who, despite being a lovely, funny man who you could trust to be faithful, he is a loose canon when it comes to money & purchases etc. This is the only area in which they fight over. Overall however, they are very happy and have been together 9 years before marrying. They’ve now been married almost 4 months and seem happy than ever. (Though this could be the honeymoon period?!)

Maybe sit down and have an honest, frank chat about things. Let him know he can be honest with you and see if it makes a difference? If not, then I’m not sure what else to suggest.

After all, I’m ultimately single and have no faith in my own judgement of men, so maybe take my advice with a pinch of salt? X

Gosh I'm confused, things are not good but at which difinitive point do you decide to throw the towel in? The thought of going through a divorce and the hurt for the children actually makes me feel a but sick but I just cannot keep underestimating my self worth like I am at the moment.

He's blaming and shaming you so that your sense of what is right and what is wrong is becoming shaky. And, you end up believing that he's right, you're wrong because your self worth is under serious attack.
These are mind games OP. Pure and simple. What you need to do is take control and build a sustainable life for yourself and your children with or without him.
Personally, I'd go down the 'without', route. Men like him are two a penny and have nothing to offer except more of the same. Be strong and take control of your life. The alternative doesn't bear thinking about...