What's it called when you interpret everything as against you?

[drspouse]

Because my mum is like this.
She was supposed to stay from Weds to Sun and went home in a huff yesterday. She blew up because I answered a question rudely (apparently) and I obviously hate her and don't want her around.
If the DCs don't want to talk on the phone or FaceTime or they go off and play then they clearly don't like her (they are 5 and 3 and both have some SN, I have just found out).
If a friend doesn't invite her to something or is off in any way then they also clearly hate her.
She was so upset she says she cried when her GP changed over to a phone triage system. I think she thought it meant they didn't trust her? I was a bit confused.
She and my DF are divorced but still see each other and are reasonably friendly. But she's always telling me he's "too busy and important" to do whatever she wants him to. I will admit my DF doesn't have the best social skills in the entire universe but he's quite low maintenance and we enjoy having him to stay. But she is convinced he is horrible to people (both in manner and in not being willing to help people) and tells me I'm just like him.

I know she's been depressed on and off and this can be part of this (believing everything is happening for the worst reasons). She's having none of this though and also "there's no point in talking to the GP, they won't be able to help".

(Oh and in a possibly related issue she has called my DS a "brat" twice. I only just found out about the second time - I let it slide the first time because I don't think DS knew what she'd said).

Both of those make sense but she refuses to see that she needs help - it's all everyone else's fault especially me.

I think you need to stop pandering to it now.
I can't imagine how hard that will be though.
I would probably just say - If that's what you think then there's nothing more to be said here.
She is sounding more and more like a narcissist to me!
I'd ignore her for now and try not to think about it all until after Christmas.

I have to say I'm really tired of it all now.
DH is sad that the DCs may lose a grandparent - he has lost his parents, and our DCs are adopted and have had so many family losses through that too.

The relatives we have in mind are good at building bridges and are very understanding but maybe we need to have a breather.

I have borderline.

I have to listen very intently when people talk to me so that I don't take things the wrong way. Paranoia and feeling like a victim can overwhelm me. I have had DBT therapy to try to unpick this trait. The book mentioned, 'Stop Walking on Eggshells', is very good. Practical and useful.

Looking at that book, I'm not quite sure she's there, though she has certainly criticised the way I've sat/dressed/touched my face/spoken in the past!

The DCs have been asking about her. I've FaceTimed her with them, she then followed up her "you're horrible to me and it's all your fault" email with "I wish you'd reply to this".
Torn between replying to say "why would I", replying to say "I'm not prepared to get into an argument with you", replying to say "and yet again I can see you need help", and totally ignoring.
DH suggests asking nice relatives to come and visit with her - they wouldn't be able to come very often but they would dilute her and she'd be less likely to go in a huff.

Personally I would just ignore her, let her sulk. It sounds as though she thinks you should pander to her every whim.

As for the children, I wouldnt say they wont see her again, but "I dont know when".

But thats me & Ive had a life time of shit from people, that I barely speak to anyone that makes me unhappy, anxious or upset.

I see my friends a lot more, as we laugh, 'get' eachother and respect our different lifestyles & space.

That's very much my inclination. The DCs haven't asked when she's coming and they are free to ask to call her and I'm happy to do that.