I'm starting to regret getting married

[Sotuko]

DP and I get on well but the spark has definately gone. We rarely have sex (he's not interested, despite saying otherwise) and I crave affection and fun. I dream of dating again, having someone desire and want me. I'm only 36, I feel I'm too young to accept this forever.

We only seem to be happy when we're on holiday. Next year we're not going on holiday and I have a feeling it will spell the end of our (2 year) marriage.

Get out now, don't waste your life away be married to someone who doesn't pay you any attention and makes you unhappy. I stayed with my DH for ten years, first couple of years were ok and then the spark went, he became lazy and not interested in anything I wanted to do, would happily sit in front of the TV at the weekends whilst I went out with the dc's. I wish I had left earlier, he turned me into a slob, I was overweight, depressed and lacked confidence. I'm not that person anymore and I enjoy being single.

He sounds like a dead loss. He's done this in a marriage once before, lost it and learnt nothing.

In the early days of our marriage DH and I had to compromise on how we 'chilled out' of an evening after we realised we were basically living in separate rooms. And you have to work out when exactly you are going to have sex and do jobs around the house etc.

But yours doesn't seem to want to do this, he's not prepared to change. Awful.

@spottyginger you need to start your own thread.

@spottyginger you need to go to the topic you’re interested in posting in and start a new thread.

This sounds really awful. You have given him plenty of opportunity to change. He doesn't want to. Money is not the issue here, it sounds like a living death. Get out now and get a better life with someone who really loves you. This is not a loving relationship.

This does not get better. Imagine the time when you will not have had sex for 10 years. That's from 36 to 46. All those years without being kissed, without a loving body pressed against yours. All those years without feeling desired and adored. He will NOT change.

I did 15 years of this. I made a mistake with the person that I went into a relationship with next, but being without intimacy was horrible. At least my ex husband was also my best friend and we shared loads of interests.You don't even seem to have that.

If it was like this with his first wife as well, it seems to be just who he is as a person. There's nothing wrong in that, but he should've been upfront about it. Do you think some kind of sex therapy would help? Do you want it to?

Does he watch porn, or would you know if he did?

You’re going to start resenting him soon, if you haven’t already.
If you still love him and want him, go to relate.
If you resent him too much already, finish it. I speak from experience ; he won’t change. This is him.

I did 15 yrs with someone like this too, he won’t change. If you do leave prepare for resentment from him because it will all be your fault for leaving..!

If he has had this problem in previous relationships then I would cut him loose. I knew a bf had history of totally losing interest sexually and thought it would be different with me. It wasn’t. I was in the relationship for three years too long feeling terrible about myself.

Unless he makes the effort to work out what is underlying this issue things won’t change. Get out now before kids are involved and find someone else.

I think you’re hugely incompatible. Mismatched sex drives in a relationship must be hideous to cope with.
He sounds bored if I’m being honest. Obviously there was a spark there once.
People make time for their priorities, it wouldn’t kill him to give you even an hour 3-4 times a week.
This won’t get any better

I think you've tried hard enough. You can absolutely survive on £22k a year, many people survive on much less as you have done yourself. I have a lot less money than I used to but it's taught me that money doesn't buy happiness since I'm so much happier now (I'm married, I left a job that was destroying me to become self employed and earn a relative pittance and now I'll never go back). Give yourself the opportunity to find someone who will actually love and respect you. Think how much harder it will be when you've sunk even more years into this.

Maybe it could change if he were willing to try but he isn't.

I left a job that was destroying me to become self employed and earn a relative pittance

I was made redundant, but it has turned out to be a gift of freedom.

You wish you weren’t married? So does he, only he’s already living that way.

He wants a companion. Buy him a pet, then get the hell out of there.

It's pretty unanimous OP what are you going to do? Would you get owt from the sale of the house?

Someone earlier said you should be entitled to 50% of everything he owns. This is not accurate. In short marriages if one partner came into a marriage with far more, the courts will not automatically award a 50% split.

Why don’t you both leave with what you brought to the marriage?