Want to go home, husband doesn't

[LisaHelms]

I currently live in the southern states of the US and it'll be 6 years here shortly. I'm a stay at home mom and I live out in the country, with that being said it can get very lonely when it's just me and my girls (ages 3 and 4). I don't have any friends nor family at all where I am, which makes the situation all the worse.

Just recently I had to get on medication to help with my anxiety and depression. I've contemplated more then once if I should take it, simply because the Lisa 5 1/2 years ago would've never needed it.

Here's some of the reasons why my spouse doesn't want to move.

1.Hes an only child and has responsibilities.

1. He's getting land and three houses after his parents pass away.

1. He says he doesn't want to leave his parents because he doesn't know who would take care of them when they get older.

I'm stuck on this. I don't know whether to feel guilty or not, both perhaps?
I've gotten to the point where I just feel numb. Whenever I get the chance I rather lay in bed. And when my spouse asks me whats wrong I just smile and saying "Nothing, why would you think somethings wrong". And continue to lie to make him believe otherwise, if not and I do tell him what's wrong he makes me feel bad about how I feel. Or gets my hopes on something that more then likely wont happen. It's a vicious cycle that ends on repeat, with ALL matters (not just the moving issue and me being homesick).

Bottom line I feel like If I don't move pretty soon and get a social life not only me but my mental health as well will probably deteriorate or, whats left of it anyways.

What would happen if I moved back home specially? I would probably either be working with a company that takes care of people or a cheese company. Doesn't seem to amazing to some but both jobs have really good benefits. I would make it financially no doubt, in fact I may have some money left over to do some outings. And because it's a smaller town everything is literally right in your grasp. Plenty of parks and places that are fuming with people. Not talking like New York or anything like that. But you get what I'm saying enough people to keep you sane. I would have my sisters or friends if I ever needed someone to watch my girls. I would probably get to go out a little more and hang with some friends and invite there children over for a movie night.

(Btw I have two sisters and two brothers)

I think what I'm struggling with is people believing that I want to have a break/leave him if he doesn't follow me. I really can't handle the grief. And would hate to upset more people because me breaking off my marriage or whatever it is that I choose. Sense his grandma has accused me of the issue like the fortune thing, I can just imagine her saying I used him. She's pretty good at making people feel like crap.

I think I just need to grow some lady balls and decide. Just is really hard for me.

I think its noble that you dont want to split your family, but sacrificing yourself and your own happiness is not a price anyone should have to pay